Because It’s Expected Of Him

A dream…

 I am a young believer, a girl, living out in the country, in a double bungalow duplex, with my older half-sister.

 Our parents had just died, and my older half-sister ended up getting control of all their resources. Instead of doing what my parents had wanted her to do, she spent all their money on her, and would neglect to pay the electric or gas bill, and other bills, until they were turned off.

 I soon realized that I’d be better off on my own. So I sheltered in a cardboard box, and gathered up my only possessions left, an old pile of discarded driftwood, that I had worked long and hard collecting from the shores of the nearby lake, and prepared myself to sell them, so I could get something to eat.

But suddenly, from across the street, the people who lived there, were grinding down their pile of scrap wood into woodchips, and had taken mine as well, and converted them into woodchips also.

Dismayed, I went to them and told them that they had taken what was mine, and that I wanted to be compensated somehow for it, because it was all I had to survive on.

They laughed at me, and made fun of me, yet did finally agree to compensate me.

They left a pile of money near me, as if it was to be mine, but they never came right out to give to me. I feared that if I took it, they would accuse me of stealing, and have me arrested, so I kept bugging them, till they responded to me. I heard them say the number 62, and seen them give me sixty two cents into my hand.

“Couldn’t you at least make it two dollars?” I asked them. “It’s all I have to survive on.”

 They laughed even harder at me, till their oldest son came out to see what all the commotion was about. When he seen me, and heard what had happened, he rebuked his parents, went into the till, took out sixty two dollars, stuffed them into his pocket, and took my hand.

 “Come on,” he said, still full of disgust for his family and what they had tried to do to me, “I’ll make sure you get what you deserve.”

They then poked fun at their son, asking him why he cared about me. “She’s a nobody! Why bother with her? She’s just a waste of time!”

Even his so-called friends couldn’t understand why he cared. “We know you’re not the caring type, Derrick! All you care about, is getting into the pants of the pretty and popular girls!”

“That’s not true!” I said to them in his defense. “He only acts that way, cause it’s expected of him! He doesn’t get into it like you think he does!”

“Oh, he gets into something all right, eh Derrick?” they snickered.

No matter what other’s said about him, I knew differently. Oh yes, I had watched him for years, and I knew that he would do what they said he did. But when I looked into his eyes, I didn’t see happiness or contentment in them, I seen regret and even sadness in them instead.

You see, I had long ago, fallen in love with him, for my God Jesus, revealed his heart to me, and let me know that there was someone good and wonderful, underneath it all.

Well, anyways, as he went about, buying me the things I’d need with the sixty two dollars, he grilled me about my beliefs in him.

More and more, he became enthralled by me and my seemingly odd beliefs about him. Less and less, he would revert to his old self, and more and more he would live up to the faith I had in him, till one day his parents told him that they should ‘adopt’ me legally, for then it would make things easier for him to be seen with me.

He told me, that my life would be much easier, if I would just renounce my God Jesus, and believe what everyone else believed.

But I told him, “How can I renounce the one who showed me how beautiful you really are inside?”

He then seemed to understand and accept my belief in my God.

He then asked me if I wanted his parents to officially adopt me.

I told him that I would love to be a part of his family, but that I’d rather not be adopted, because that would mean I would become just a sister to him, and that my feelings for him, went much deeper than that.

So in the end, we got married, and lived happily with each other.


 I then woke up.

Read Me

August 1994

As I closed my eyes for sleep, the last thing I thought, was if and when the world ever does come to an end, at least the Lord will take me and I will be His.

Then I began to dream…

The Day Of The Lord is near.
It is nearer than I realize.
Its time will be revealed to me without warning; it will simply happen and appear.
God spoke to me, as I tried to out run the devil and get out of his way.
He told me, “You must read of Me, or I will surely loose you, and you will loose Me. Draw near to Me and read, ma petite, for the days grow nearer, and as we stand, we are loosing touch of one another.”
The rest of the dream, was trying to somehow escape satan in all his animal forms.
I looked to Jesus, and pointed to the Catholic Church, and to their priests, and cried out loud to my Lord, “HOW could one be close to You, and live in the Word, with these setbacks?”
But again, He looked at me in earnest, and simply said, “Read Me.”

I Then woke up.
*  *  *  *

Trying To Reach Heaven

A Dream…  (Journal entry recorded in my Bible, from 1995)

I am trying to reach heaven, but the pathway, the gate, is too narrow. I could not get through. I thought I’d be o.k., but I was not.

As I stood there at the gate, I seen many, many babies.

There were those that were full of joy and life, kicking, cooing, gurgling, with their energy giving off a form of light that seemed to glow from within them.

But many of the babies had wasted away and died. Their forms were still and lifeless, their skin held a dull almost grey color to it, and their eyes were empty, starring off into nothing. You could guess as to how long they had been dead, by the amount of decay that had already taken place in their bodies. There was no light whatsoever coming from them any more.

Some were still in different stages of dying. I could see the ones that were undecided; they looked as if they were dead, but there was hope that shone out from around them. Some were crying out for help, their cries piercing my heart from their shrill intensity of need. I longed to reach out to hold them and help them, but I knew I could not, for I sensed they were in a different dimension from mine.   

I cried and cried for them, as I watched them float by. I asked not to be one of those that did not make it. I thought of my children, and cried more. I begged God not to have me or my family be amongst those that did not make it. I asked Him how not to be one of them. I asked Him how I could get through the narrow pathway.

I then sensed that each person was different; they had to give up of themselves, their greatest thing they loved, in order to steer through it. You needed the help of those who had gone before you. Without them you lost your knowledge of how to get through the pathway to heaven, and you could no longer see the forces of darkness in your way. These people looked and sounded normal, but when you were on the right path, you seen through them, and this bothers them, so they nag and attack you to pull you off the path. Once you are off this path, you must submit to the darkness.

I seen my littlest child look to me in her innocence, and she did not see the distinction between the two realities/dimensions. To her, (for her,) they were one, and the dark forces could not touch her. But SOON she looked to me, watched me, my facial expressions, to see if she should feel fear or panic, and in this way lost her natural born ability to “follow the path.” I tried to be like her, but could not be.

I then woke up from the dream.

What is the greatest thing I loved in this world? My free time; my alone time. Time, when I can do what I want, and feed my will as I wish. My job has stopped a large portion of this time, yet the remaining time left is needed, the lord is asking for it, and in my sin, I’m hedging against it. I pray the Lord will give me His heart, to want to seek His Will, instead of mine…


Note: I believe that ‘those that had gone before’, were those people from the Bible, and the believers that have carried the faith upon the earth from generation to generation. The ‘natural born ability to “follow the path”‘, refers to the innocence that is within each newborn child. (They are too young to understand evil, or recognize it for what it is at that age.) 


Matthew 7:13-14, 21, 7-8 KJV

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.