Waiting Expectantly

I was getting lost in my ‘to do’ list again,
and feeling overwhelmed.

Finally, I go to God in frustration,
And ask Him how I am going to do all that needs to be done.

He gently brings me back to this journal entry,
From September 11th, 2005…

*
“Always ma petite:
Come back to ME.
Come to Me,
And stay here before Me,
WAITING EXPECTANTLY,
For My Words to you.

I will tell you what you are to do for Me.

No thing is too small for Me,
No thing too big.
I will take care of ALL.

Wait before Me,
Till you have My message,
And I tell you to go.
Then go do the task
which I have given you to do.

When that is done,
Then come back to Me,
For your renewing,
And for your next assignment.

THIS is how you will be
TRANSFORMED into MY image…

If,
While doing the task I have assigned you to do,
you run into a road block,
or
if you stumble or pause from doubt,
then again,
come back to Me and repeat this process,
until the task assigned is done.
Then back to Me again,
For your next task.

This is how MY children,
Become My ‘hands and feet’.”

* * * *
“Make me know your ways, Adonai,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth, and teach me;
for you are the God who saves me,
my hope is in you all day long.”

Psalm 25:4-5, Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

Who Would I Be Submitting To?

I have dreaded posting this, because the topic of wifely submission has been such a volatile one within the Christian body of believers. However, the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me, to share my own experience in this matter, -at least some of it; because all of it would be enough to form a book, -for there are those still out there, who are being hindered in their walk with Christ because of it, and there are those who have even been kept from believing in Christ because of it.

I will say up front that I have quite a history with this topic.
For my entire childhood and teenage years, I watched my mother submit to the fist of my father. When my mother would go to the Roman Catholic Church for help, the priests would always tell her that if she was having any problems in her marriage, then it was her fault, and that she had failed somehow to submit to her husband as God’s Word instructs.
For what would the husband have to be upset about, (especially enough to hit,) if the wife always complied with the wishes of her husband? The same instruction was given to me as a child, concerning obedience.

But it never worked. Not for my mother, not for me as a child, and not even for my father, who was never satisfied, no matter what was done.

To be fair, my father was an alcoholic, struggling against that ‘demon in the bottle’. But I had not realized this, till I was older.

Sadly, I don’t think my father ever realized it.

Such heart ache within a Christian marriage, did not look good to those on the outside of Christianity. In fact, it was giving Jesus a bad name. After all, if this was the ‘fruit’ of believing, then who wanted it?

I certainly didn’t.

For what kind of God, could state in His Word, how much He loves us, even women, yet instruct women to stay in such an abusive relationship?

It made a mockery of God’s Word.

I secretly left the church, and began studying witchcraft,
In the hopes of evening out that score.

I lit certain colored candles and whispered spells that blessed my mother, and then lit certain colored candles and cast spells that cursed my father.

But no matter what I did in the end, the ‘scores’ always went back to the way they were, and the inner hurt remained.

Years later, when I truly came to Christ and repented,
I found I was still left with the same confusion.

One day, in going to my Lord about it within my own marriage,
The Holy Spirit spoke to me about the apostle Paul, and told me that Paul never meant to have his words be such a stumbling block for women. As I was crying my eyes out and pounding on the floor with my fists in my sorrow and grief, the Holy Spirit told me that Paul himself, up in heaven, was grieved to see how much I was hurting because of it. Paul’s intention was never to make women lesser beings than men, or to give license to men to abuse their wives, or even ‘lord it over women’. Paul wanted both male and female to care for each other, as Christ Himself cares for them. They were supposed to be a team, working together for the Kingdom of Christ.

This surprised me greatly, and gave me cause to research further into the words of Paul. What I discovered, made me delve further into some of the other scriptures concerning husbands and wives.

(If you’re interested in what Paul was really saying in those letters, a good book on the topic, is entitled “Paul, Women & Wives”, by Craig S. Keener, ISBN# 0-943575-96-6.)

What I discovered, was very eye opening and heart healing.

There are many good books and even web sites that are out there, that explain the egalitarian viewpoint on submission far better than I ever could. I will share some of my favorites at the end of this post.

But there was one thing that really cemented it all for me, personally. It happened when my children and I started to actually SEE the demons and angels that exist in the unseen world.

My children and I have seen
Demons affecting people, ESPECIALLY believers.

My kids have watched the demons hang around, sit upon, go before, attach themselves to, whisper into the ear, choke, hamper, instigate, incite, and especially monitor, people.

They have seen people being manipulated by the demons, getting them to do things they would not do without the demon’s meddling. This has frequently happened in our own family.

We have witnessed, that whatever the demon whispers into the person’s ear, comes right out of the person’s mouth, usually word for word, unchanged.

So, if an evil spirit is affecting my husband, whispering in his ear, and my husband is repeating the demons words word for word, as he is telling me what to do, am I still supposed to submit to him?

Just who would I be submitting to? My husband? Or a demon?

I know without a doubt, what a believer is to do concerning evil and demons. The bible tells us that we are to:

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7, NIV)

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess. 5:22 KJV)

Cast out unclean spirits. (See Matthew 10:1, KJV)

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21 KJV)

So, clearly, simply submitting to my husband
Is not always God’s Will for me,
For I know that God would not want me to submit myself to a demon or evil spirit.

The one piece of scripture that the Lord has kept bringing to me on this, is Colossians 3:18.

Wives, subject yourselves to your husbands, as is appropriate in the Lord. (CJB)

Most people stress the first part of this, and gloss over the last part of it. But the Lord was stressing the last part of it with me.

It was His way of telling me, that I was to ALWAYS come to HIM, FIRST.

GOD would be the one to determine if I was to obey my husband, or not.

I HAD TO GO TO GOD FIRST!

There have been times when the Lord has told me to remove myself for a short amount of time from my husband, so that I or he, could calm down and feel safe. (Abuse, even if it’s just verbal, was not God’s Will for anyone.)

Usually my God has me on my knees, P.U.S.H. praying for our hearts to be softened, first to Him, then to each other. He also instructs me to cast out the demon spirits coming between us, (or affecting one of us,) in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

One time I had figured for sure my God would understand me not submitting to my husband, for it was a matter of life and death. And yet that was when the Lord told me to still go ahead and submit to him, to stay (and not seek out a safe and dry hotel,) despite the danger, and that my God would protect us all and cover us under His wings. (See https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/footsteps-of-a-guardian-angel/ for that posted example.)

I’ve had other times, when I thought that submitting to my husband was no big deal, and that I could go along with what he had decreed. (For example, moving to another place for a job.) Yet the Lord would tell me quite firmly, that I was to NOT to submit to him, and to get down on my knees and start P.U.S.H. praying instead, that my husband would re-think his position, for he was about to make a move that was not in the Will of God.

I asked the Lord for more confirmation, that there were times when a wife should not obey her husband. I asked Him to show me just one wife in the bible, that did not obey her husband, but was still thought of as being right or good by God. (I honestly did not think there was even one.)

But He gave one to me.

Abigail.

I found her story in 1 Samuel 25:1-42.

“She knew ma petite,” my Lord tells me, “that what she was about to do was against her husbands wishes. Nabal had felt that he had already dealt with the matter. Yet Abigail still knew that what her husband Nabal did was wrong, and was not the Will of God. So she disobeyed her husband, and went forth to greet David with gifts, as a representative of the town, and told David of her defiance against Nabal. She was no doormat to her husband. She was intelligent and thought for herself, as well as for the good of her people. She was Mine, (meaning her heart was for Me,) and she received My Blessings.”

So, there was my confirmation.

I am so very glad, that now in the New Testament (and beyond,) we can cast out such demons from troubling people, in the name of Jesus.

Most egalitarian conclusions claim that the bible promotes submission to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)

…Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5 KJV)

“Regarding life together and getting along with each other, you don’t need me to tell you what to do. You’re God-taught in these matters. Just love one another!” (1 Thessalonians 4:9)

During the hardest part of my marriage, when submission to my husband was simply unthinkable to me, the Lord gave me these words:

“When the wife submits to her husband, and the husband puts her needs first, this makes a beautiful Christ-like marriage. Think of this in terms of steps. If you have trouble submitting to your husband, then focus on submitting to ME instead. And after a while, (of being one with Me,) you may find that submitting to your husband will happen, simply by the OUTGROWTH of your relationship with ME. Submit to Me, until you are able to submit to one another.”

I pray that this testimony will reach those it was written for. Whether male or female, God loves you VERY much…

Shalom,

C. Dunamis

*

http://newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/submission-respect-1-peter-3_1-6/ (Interesting insights on OT Sara.)

http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/christian-myths-on-gender-and-gender-roles/ (This is a page of topic links. She also has other good writings to look into on her web site.)

http://www.rockymountainministries.org/mythbusters/17-mythbusters/42-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry.html (There are many more links to check out in their side bar.)

http://titus2keeper.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/wives-are-subject-to.pdf ((Very good and worth reading many times!)

* * * *

A Sign Of ME Is What You’re Looking For

April 7th, 2005

After several more days of enduring these horrid emotions,
(talk about dragging my feet!)
I finally go to God in PUSH prayer.

After 40 minutes or so, God tells me to go read
Through my old journal entries again.

“Which ones?”

“The ones on WAR.”

I had to go back to
Saturday, December 4th, 2004….

The old
“Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree’
dream.

(https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/a-simple-yellow-ribbon/

https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/what-god-was-talking-about/)

But Lord!
To soften before hand
And be ready for him when he returns,
Waiting for him with arms open wide?
I don’t know about that one, Lord…

I think of the ‘Call Of Duty,
extension CD game (my husbands favorite PC game) entitled:
‘United Offensive.’
It talked about the players needing to work with
their other team members, together,
so they could win the war.
A sort of parable of those working for Christ
And the kingdom of God.

“Could you not think of those hurtful words or deeds
as Satan’s weapons
that he tricks your husband into using against you?

Oh Ma petite, the more time you spend with me,
the more satan’s weapons will have no effect on you.
They will be rendered useless.”

Lord, when one becomes wounded
In this spiritual war, what do you do?
Just ignore the wound?

“If the wound is not serious, then yes.
You continue on till the course of the day
allows you to see to your wound.
If the wound is serious, and you physically can not go on
Fighting the good fight,
Then you must stop and as soon as possible,
Come to Me, so it can be treated.”

Oh Lord, just the thought of someone you trust
Suddenly turning on you and becoming the enemy,
Is too hard to bear!
How can one ever really come to trust them?

“When they reveal themselves as the enemy
(or as untrustworthy,)
that is when they would be sick and in need of Me.
There are many different wounds on this battlefield.
With some, you can see their wound right away,
And see how it is incapacitating them.
And with others, it is hard to see that death
Working to end the life within them.
Both you can not see except through Me.

Remember; only Satan cares for war, ma petite.

Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.
(Ephesians 6:10-18)

I repeat:

Pray at all times
and on every occasion
in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Stay alert
And be persistent
in your prayers…”
(Ephesians 6:18)

Lord, is the earth shaking a part of war?

Then I thought of the weapons used in war.
Particularly of bombs.

Yet I remained a cynic.
Do bombs cause the earth to shake like an earthquake Lord?
I sensed the answer was yes, but I doubted,
For I did not know enough about war to know for sure.

“Yes little one,” He replied. “Trust Me; they do.
Especially the ones that fall close to you.”

Oh But Lord!
I don’t want to keep on fighting with him!

“This is your only choice;
the path I’ve made for you,
or Satan’s.”
(God’s path, means to stay with my husband,
despite him being such a …ugh!?)

“Do you think you are the only one to feel the bomb, ma petite?What if BOTH of you got injured by the bomb?”

These wounds obtained in battle…
are they like the heat that purifies the silver?

“That depends upon the action of the believer.
Heat only softens & melts the silver;
I Am the only one,
Who can skim off the impurities from the top.

If they came to me, in trust and child-like faith,
Asking me to purify them
And remake them into My image,
Then yes, the heat will serve
To soften you for the remolding,
And I will purify the dross from your soul.

But if you do not, if you remain hard,
And do not come to me,
Then the heat will only leave the believer
With the scars of war.

The harder the metal is
and the more scarred the believer,
the longer it will take,
to transform their image into mine.”

*

(After another hour or so in P.U.S.H. prayer…)

Oh My Child,
If you only knew of the power
You hold in your hands!
Like an Olympic runner,
The torch of hope and light
Has been passed to you
& is now in your hands.
If you could only realize,
The power, hope, and light
You hold in your hands,
Then NOTHING would stand
In your way!
Nothing…”

A torch, Lord?

“Yes. Like a relay runner
in the old Olympic games.
Research the first races.
You will find that there were
Many dangers
That could befall the runner,
And stop him from finishing
The race.”

*

(I remained on my knees in prayer for several more hours,
Still trying to overcome the painful words and actions
Of my husband. How could he be so uncaring?)

“Oh ma petite! You NEED
to get rid of that
‘You versus me’ mentality.
You NEED
To not take it personally,
as an attack against you.
The ‘you versus me’ mentality
And taking it personally,
Is what will lead you into battle
Against your brother
And against ME.

Strive to be free from these leads.

Remember ma petite,
The battle is ever between you and evil,
NOT between you and another.
NEVER MAKE IT A PERSONAL MATTER!
*

One day, eventually,
if you spend enough time
in My presence,
ALL of your wounds will be healed.

Even if you do not ‘feel’ like praying,
and asking for your hearts to be softened,
you are to FORCE yourself to ask for it,
because this is My will for you.”

*

As I rise,
(tired of all this P.U.S.H. prayer,)
That insatiable emptiness begins to fill me.

“You know what that feeling is, right ma petite?”

Yeah., I knew what it was.
It’s what happens when one turns away from Christ.
The heart and soul aches,
From the lack of nourishment it had partaken of before.

“You see, little one, this is an ‘either or’.
There is only two possibilities,
once you have drank from My fountain.
As soon as you turn away from Me,
The ever-waiting darkness ascends
And begins to eat away your soul.”

Oh, how nice;
The proverbial rock or hard place.
What a choice. ( – Not!)
Turn from You, and
Face the pain of emptiness within,
Or turn to You, and
Face the pain of betrayal by one loved,
Yet again.
Not much choice there, Lord.
Not much choice at all.

“Can’t you trust me, ma petite?”

(Sigh.) No Lord, I can not.
I am too afraid of the pain.

So I remain here immobilized,
As the teeth of withdrawal settles in,
Biting at my soul.

FINALLY,
I sigh,
Repent,
And then go back to Praying Until Something Happens.

*

Is this PUSH prayer, (Pray Until Something Happens prayer,)
The only way to do this? (I do not like praying like this; it sometimes feels like I’m just wasting my time…)
“No. But it’s quicker.
How long did you want
To stay in the hurt?
How quickly
Do you wish to heal
From these ‘wounds of war’?

*

Realize,
where the pressure is coming from!
Satan.
When possible, TURN TOGETHER,
To the only one who can fight
Against the adversary and win.
ME.”

*

Lord, How do I put on
Your protective armor,
That you talk about
In Ephesians 6?
It says to use every piece of Your armor.
I know that the sword is the words of the Bible,
And that my faith in You (ie: JUST BELIEVE,)
Can be a shield that protects me from Satan’s attacks.
But ‘the body armor of God’s righteousness’…
How in heaven’s name can one put THAT on?
What IS it? I simply do not understand!

“Each time you come to me to pray,
a thin layer of this protective coating
is given to you. Kind of like the polyurethane
you coat the kitchen table with, to protect it
from getting damaged.
The more coats that cover you,
The more protected from hurt you will be.”

This coating…
Does some of it come from the Holy Spirit?

“Yes.”

*

lord, how can I tell
when my loved one is acting ‘foolish’?
Are there not signs that I could watch out for?
(So I could stop and go P.U.S.H. pray sooner,
In the hopes of preventing more hurt.)

“A person acting foolish will:

Try to control things and others
By rage, passive anger, sullen silence,
Whining, complaining, threatening suicide,
Give you the ‘silent treatment’,
Lie, cheat, steal, or charm you, or
play the role of a victim or martyr,
leaving you feeling abused.
They believe that if YOU were different,
There wouldn’t be a problem.
They act self-reliant and self-centered,
Complacent, selfish, sullen,
Quick-tempered, and or contemptuous.
They trust in themselves alone,
And stubbornly maintain their position
At all costs. (ie: they are always right.)
They mock at the thought
of making amends for their actions.
They create strife
because of their selfishness,
and cause destruction,
often with their tongue.
They stubbornly want to do
what they want to do,
(and they enjoy doing it,)
Even though it may endanger
Themselves or others.”

What are the signs of being in full repent?

“You will see an attitude of humility
(Not just agreeing that they were wrong.)
They will often look for ways to make amends.
(ie: Have the heart of a servant.)
When they are genuinely sorry,
They will not be pushy, or demanding
In getting their needs met.
If you end up getting more
Complaints, excuses, or conditions,
From them, chances are
That they are still not in full repent.”

Then I would need to go back and keep P.U.S.H. praying for them?

“Yes.”

*

But Lord, I’m so busy!
I don’t have that kind of time just to go P.U.S.H. pray!

“Go do your job as you must,
But give all your free time to Me,
In P.U.S.H. prayer.
Remember ma petite,
Whenever ‘something is not as it should be’,
It is then, that you are to STOP
And COME TO ME, and
PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS.
This something,
Could be your loved one’s heart
changing and softening to Me and to you,
Or even a sense of peace that finally comes over you.

A sign of ME, is what you’re looking for…”

* * * *