A Sign Of ME Is What You’re Looking For

April 7th, 2005

After several more days of enduring these horrid emotions,
(talk about dragging my feet!)
I finally go to God in PUSH prayer.

After 40 minutes or so, God tells me to go read
Through my old journal entries again.

“Which ones?”

“The ones on WAR.”

I had to go back to
Saturday, December 4th, 2004….

The old
“Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree’



But Lord!
To soften before hand
And be ready for him when he returns,
Waiting for him with arms open wide?
I don’t know about that one, Lord…

I think of the ‘Call Of Duty,
extension CD game (my husbands favorite PC game) entitled:
‘United Offensive.’
It talked about the players needing to work with
their other team members, together,
so they could win the war.
A sort of parable of those working for Christ
And the kingdom of God.

“Could you not think of those hurtful words or deeds
as Satan’s weapons
that he tricks your husband into using against you?

Oh Ma petite, the more time you spend with me,
the more satan’s weapons will have no effect on you.
They will be rendered useless.”

Lord, when one becomes wounded
In this spiritual war, what do you do?
Just ignore the wound?

“If the wound is not serious, then yes.
You continue on till the course of the day
allows you to see to your wound.
If the wound is serious, and you physically can not go on
Fighting the good fight,
Then you must stop and as soon as possible,
Come to Me, so it can be treated.”

Oh Lord, just the thought of someone you trust
Suddenly turning on you and becoming the enemy,
Is too hard to bear!
How can one ever really come to trust them?

“When they reveal themselves as the enemy
(or as untrustworthy,)
that is when they would be sick and in need of Me.
There are many different wounds on this battlefield.
With some, you can see their wound right away,
And see how it is incapacitating them.
And with others, it is hard to see that death
Working to end the life within them.
Both you can not see except through Me.

Remember; only Satan cares for war, ma petite.

Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.
(Ephesians 6:10-18)

I repeat:

Pray at all times
and on every occasion
in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Stay alert
And be persistent
in your prayers…”
(Ephesians 6:18)

Lord, is the earth shaking a part of war?

Then I thought of the weapons used in war.
Particularly of bombs.

Yet I remained a cynic.
Do bombs cause the earth to shake like an earthquake Lord?
I sensed the answer was yes, but I doubted,
For I did not know enough about war to know for sure.

“Yes little one,” He replied. “Trust Me; they do.
Especially the ones that fall close to you.”

Oh But Lord!
I don’t want to keep on fighting with him!

“This is your only choice;
the path I’ve made for you,
or Satan’s.”
(God’s path, means to stay with my husband,
despite him being such a …ugh!?)

“Do you think you are the only one to feel the bomb, ma petite?What if BOTH of you got injured by the bomb?”

These wounds obtained in battle…
are they like the heat that purifies the silver?

“That depends upon the action of the believer.
Heat only softens & melts the silver;
I Am the only one,
Who can skim off the impurities from the top.

If they came to me, in trust and child-like faith,
Asking me to purify them
And remake them into My image,
Then yes, the heat will serve
To soften you for the remolding,
And I will purify the dross from your soul.

But if you do not, if you remain hard,
And do not come to me,
Then the heat will only leave the believer
With the scars of war.

The harder the metal is
and the more scarred the believer,
the longer it will take,
to transform their image into mine.”


(After another hour or so in P.U.S.H. prayer…)

Oh My Child,
If you only knew of the power
You hold in your hands!
Like an Olympic runner,
The torch of hope and light
Has been passed to you
& is now in your hands.
If you could only realize,
The power, hope, and light
You hold in your hands,
Then NOTHING would stand
In your way!

A torch, Lord?

“Yes. Like a relay runner
in the old Olympic games.
Research the first races.
You will find that there were
Many dangers
That could befall the runner,
And stop him from finishing
The race.”


(I remained on my knees in prayer for several more hours,
Still trying to overcome the painful words and actions
Of my husband. How could he be so uncaring?)

“Oh ma petite! You NEED
to get rid of that
‘You versus me’ mentality.
To not take it personally,
as an attack against you.
The ‘you versus me’ mentality
And taking it personally,
Is what will lead you into battle
Against your brother
And against ME.

Strive to be free from these leads.

Remember ma petite,
The battle is ever between you and evil,
NOT between you and another.

One day, eventually,
if you spend enough time
in My presence,
ALL of your wounds will be healed.

Even if you do not ‘feel’ like praying,
and asking for your hearts to be softened,
you are to FORCE yourself to ask for it,
because this is My will for you.”


As I rise,
(tired of all this P.U.S.H. prayer,)
That insatiable emptiness begins to fill me.

“You know what that feeling is, right ma petite?”

Yeah., I knew what it was.
It’s what happens when one turns away from Christ.
The heart and soul aches,
From the lack of nourishment it had partaken of before.

“You see, little one, this is an ‘either or’.
There is only two possibilities,
once you have drank from My fountain.
As soon as you turn away from Me,
The ever-waiting darkness ascends
And begins to eat away your soul.”

Oh, how nice;
The proverbial rock or hard place.
What a choice. ( – Not!)
Turn from You, and
Face the pain of emptiness within,
Or turn to You, and
Face the pain of betrayal by one loved,
Yet again.
Not much choice there, Lord.
Not much choice at all.

“Can’t you trust me, ma petite?”

(Sigh.) No Lord, I can not.
I am too afraid of the pain.

So I remain here immobilized,
As the teeth of withdrawal settles in,
Biting at my soul.

I sigh,
And then go back to Praying Until Something Happens.


Is this PUSH prayer, (Pray Until Something Happens prayer,)
The only way to do this? (I do not like praying like this; it sometimes feels like I’m just wasting my time…)
“No. But it’s quicker.
How long did you want
To stay in the hurt?
How quickly
Do you wish to heal
From these ‘wounds of war’?


where the pressure is coming from!
When possible, TURN TOGETHER,
To the only one who can fight
Against the adversary and win.


Lord, How do I put on
Your protective armor,
That you talk about
In Ephesians 6?
It says to use every piece of Your armor.
I know that the sword is the words of the Bible,
And that my faith in You (ie: JUST BELIEVE,)
Can be a shield that protects me from Satan’s attacks.
But ‘the body armor of God’s righteousness’…
How in heaven’s name can one put THAT on?
What IS it? I simply do not understand!

“Each time you come to me to pray,
a thin layer of this protective coating
is given to you. Kind of like the polyurethane
you coat the kitchen table with, to protect it
from getting damaged.
The more coats that cover you,
The more protected from hurt you will be.”

This coating…
Does some of it come from the Holy Spirit?



lord, how can I tell
when my loved one is acting ‘foolish’?
Are there not signs that I could watch out for?
(So I could stop and go P.U.S.H. pray sooner,
In the hopes of preventing more hurt.)

“A person acting foolish will:

Try to control things and others
By rage, passive anger, sullen silence,
Whining, complaining, threatening suicide,
Give you the ‘silent treatment’,
Lie, cheat, steal, or charm you, or
play the role of a victim or martyr,
leaving you feeling abused.
They believe that if YOU were different,
There wouldn’t be a problem.
They act self-reliant and self-centered,
Complacent, selfish, sullen,
Quick-tempered, and or contemptuous.
They trust in themselves alone,
And stubbornly maintain their position
At all costs. (ie: they are always right.)
They mock at the thought
of making amends for their actions.
They create strife
because of their selfishness,
and cause destruction,
often with their tongue.
They stubbornly want to do
what they want to do,
(and they enjoy doing it,)
Even though it may endanger
Themselves or others.”

What are the signs of being in full repent?

“You will see an attitude of humility
(Not just agreeing that they were wrong.)
They will often look for ways to make amends.
(ie: Have the heart of a servant.)
When they are genuinely sorry,
They will not be pushy, or demanding
In getting their needs met.
If you end up getting more
Complaints, excuses, or conditions,
From them, chances are
That they are still not in full repent.”

Then I would need to go back and keep P.U.S.H. praying for them?



But Lord, I’m so busy!
I don’t have that kind of time just to go P.U.S.H. pray!

“Go do your job as you must,
But give all your free time to Me,
In P.U.S.H. prayer.
Remember ma petite,
Whenever ‘something is not as it should be’,
It is then, that you are to STOP
And COME TO ME, and
This something,
Could be your loved one’s heart
changing and softening to Me and to you,
Or even a sense of peace that finally comes over you.

A sign of ME, is what you’re looking for…”

* * * *


9 comments on “A Sign Of ME Is What You’re Looking For

  1. Thank you for posting this. It was so encouraging. The analogay of the polyeurothane coating was really good. I needed to hear that. Been in a lot of battles and feeling weary…Praying HIS Word coat me and make me hard to where the enemy cannot come through.
    Peace and blessings to you!

    • At the time of that Journal entry, we had just finished applying those coatings to our dining room table. Every other day, for several weeks, we would apply another thin layer of resin to the top, in the hopes of it standing up to all the abuse it was enduring from our kids messes and markings. When it was finally done, it had a glow to it that warmed the whole room, and it did hold up through some of the worst of the messes. It’s neat how the Lord often uses what we are going through, to help us relate to what He’s trying to explain….

      My prayers were for you today, Deirdre.
      Peace and blessings to you as well!
      C. Dunamis

  2. I think every believer can relate to this and its the same message He gives us all…come to HIM! Its difficult with a loved one but you must try to remember that its not them acting this way towards you, its the demons MAKING them act this way. I can almost guarantee you that your husband does not want to be this way but holds no power over the demons without Yahshua. This message may help you also because it did me:

    My children, you must do everything as if you do it for Me with a thankful heart. Then you will never be disappointed when anyone mistreats, persecutes, hates and opposes you because you know you do it out of love for Me, your Master. You will also react differently, because a servant is not greater than his Master. What they did to Me they will also do to you. They hated Me first even thought I did good to many and I died for all out of love. I did everything out of love and because I care. I did it all as if for My Father. You must do the same, follow My example. Do everything out of love and because you care. Do it all as if you do it for Me. All that matters is that I must be pleased and approve of you and nobody else. Do not look at the reaction that you get from others and do not let them put you off, hinder or stop you from doing My will. Be different, be good to all, and do not repay evil with evil but with good. Love and do not hate, bless and do not curse. Do to others what you want them to do to you also. Pray for all, you all need prayer and you all need Me, your enemies also.

    I will repay, vengeance is Mine. I am the righteous Jude who will judge righteously. I will reward each one for your own deeds, good or evil. I know every heart and all motives, nothing is hidden from Me. I see and I hear everything. You are all ever before Me.

    Do not look at others, but focus on your own deeds. Do everything every day for My Kingdom as if you do it to Me and for Me. No matter how big or how small it might be. Always remember what you have done to the least you have done it to Me also, because I am the Creator of you all. Not everybody accepts My love for them but I love and I care for all and it is not My will that anyone perish but that all repent to have eternal life. Be concerned like I am. A world is dying without Me and that is not My will. Do everything therefore as if for Me your Master. Continue to do My will according to My purposes for My everlasting Kingdom while you have the time and opportunity.
    I pray this helps. Keep up the great work in His name. May Yahweh bless you both.

    • Very much a help! Especially for those out there who may come across it at a later time. It is also a confirmation for me, concerning my next post. So thank you for sharing God’s Word to you with us, and for taking the time to post it here.

      Indeed it was the demons making him act like that. Without the demons, my husband is loving, caring, thoughtful, forgiving, patient, reliable, steadfast, kind, and loyal.

      After seeing the demons affecting us for myself, and having children who can see them as well, has really changed my viewpoint on what makes relationships go bad. There’s a whole other world out there, right along side our own, that few ever realize exists. A world that can greatly affect our own. I am very thankful that the Lord has given His children the tools to deal with it!

      Shalom and blessings to you,
      C. Dunamis

    • Oh Deirdre!
      For me, the waiting is always the hardest part! What to do if we don’t see that sign? KEEP P.U.S.H. PRAYING!!! The longest time so far, that I have spent in solid P.U.S.H. prayer, is two and a half days. All that time was spent on my knees, crying out to Him, and reading the Psalms out loud, when I didn’t know what else to pray for. At the time of this journal writing, I had not yet learned about praying in tongues. Now, with the addition of praying in tongues, I have found that the P.U.S.H. prayers have received quicker results. (Probably because there’s less me in the way.) Satan tricking me or seducing me to stop my prayers before that peace is felt, (or that softening repentant heart is seen,) is something I’ve had to watch out for. He’s tried exhaustion, hunger, interruptions, distractions, despair…(well, I could go on, but I’d just be listing more demons to be cast out in the name of Jesus.)

      I have read your commentaries and writings out there on the web, and I can say with certainty, that you are very much HIS. Gods Heart is for you, and you are a woman greatly beloved by HIM. Sometimes when the answers don’t yet come, it is because there is that battle going on in the heavens, like in Daniel 10:11-13. (Can you imagine P.U.S.H. praying for twenty one days straight, with no response? Oi! Here I was struggling just to do two days!) Persevere. You will receive. BELIEVE!

      • When I read this I recognized what you were talking about when you described someone who was acting foolish, it is the Jezebel spirit an evil spirit of a queen named in the Bible.
        “In the Bible, Jezebel was a powerful, wicked queen, and wife of a passive king
        called Ahab. She was a false prophetess who worshiped the false god, Baal.”
        This spirit can be identified in the world today and is responsible for sooo much of the spiritual warfare going on in the world today. When satan was thrown off the mountain of God he took with him 1/3 of the angels and they are in our world to this day trying with all they have to destroy mankind and the Jezebel spirit is one that can be identified by the actions of the one it is munipulating. If you have not already seen the Know Your Enemy series on youtube you should really take the time to check it out.
        God bless,

        • Thanks for sharing the youtube link! I watched the one on the spirit of Jezebel, and found it very interesting. I had heard that spirit’s name whispered into my mind before, but had discounted it, for I had associated that spirit with false religious teachings and the female domination within them. (And that didn’t seem to fit the situation at the time.) For some reason I had not realized that it could affect males as well as females either. (I know that sounds silly, of course demons can affect both sexes. Oi!) I hope to find the time to watch the rest of the series; if that one I watched was any indication of the rest of them, then they will be very enlightening!

          Shalom to you,
          C. Dunamis

  3. Thank you and bless you for the encouragment C. I will press on. I sense I am in a ‘have to do it again’ test. Like I’ve been ‘here’ before. Ugh. I am praying FATHER show me where I missed HIM or missed something I was supposed to learn last time. One thing I sense is to let it all go and be willing to embrace whatever it is HE brings to me without reservation. I will press into HIM though. Thanks for the prayers-really needed them today!
    Bless you in YAHSHUA

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