Who Would I Be Submitting To?

I have dreaded posting this, because the topic of wifely submission has been such a volatile one within the Christian body of believers. However, the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me, to share my own experience in this matter, -at least some of it; because all of it would be enough to form a book, -for there are those still out there, who are being hindered in their walk with Christ because of it, and there are those who have even been kept from believing in Christ because of it.

I will say up front that I have quite a history with this topic.
For my entire childhood and teenage years, I watched my mother submit to the fist of my father. When my mother would go to the Roman Catholic Church for help, the priests would always tell her that if she was having any problems in her marriage, then it was her fault, and that she had failed somehow to submit to her husband as God’s Word instructs.
For what would the husband have to be upset about, (especially enough to hit,) if the wife always complied with the wishes of her husband? The same instruction was given to me as a child, concerning obedience.

But it never worked. Not for my mother, not for me as a child, and not even for my father, who was never satisfied, no matter what was done.

To be fair, my father was an alcoholic, struggling against that ‘demon in the bottle’. But I had not realized this, till I was older.

Sadly, I don’t think my father ever realized it.

Such heart ache within a Christian marriage, did not look good to those on the outside of Christianity. In fact, it was giving Jesus a bad name. After all, if this was the ‘fruit’ of believing, then who wanted it?

I certainly didn’t.

For what kind of God, could state in His Word, how much He loves us, even women, yet instruct women to stay in such an abusive relationship?

It made a mockery of God’s Word.

I secretly left the church, and began studying witchcraft,
In the hopes of evening out that score.

I lit certain colored candles and whispered spells that blessed my mother, and then lit certain colored candles and cast spells that cursed my father.

But no matter what I did in the end, the ‘scores’ always went back to the way they were, and the inner hurt remained.

Years later, when I truly came to Christ and repented,
I found I was still left with the same confusion.

One day, in going to my Lord about it within my own marriage,
The Holy Spirit spoke to me about the apostle Paul, and told me that Paul never meant to have his words be such a stumbling block for women. As I was crying my eyes out and pounding on the floor with my fists in my sorrow and grief, the Holy Spirit told me that Paul himself, up in heaven, was grieved to see how much I was hurting because of it. Paul’s intention was never to make women lesser beings than men, or to give license to men to abuse their wives, or even ‘lord it over women’. Paul wanted both male and female to care for each other, as Christ Himself cares for them. They were supposed to be a team, working together for the Kingdom of Christ.

This surprised me greatly, and gave me cause to research further into the words of Paul. What I discovered, made me delve further into some of the other scriptures concerning husbands and wives.

(If you’re interested in what Paul was really saying in those letters, a good book on the topic, is entitled “Paul, Women & Wives”, by Craig S. Keener, ISBN# 0-943575-96-6.)

What I discovered, was very eye opening and heart healing.

There are many good books and even web sites that are out there, that explain the egalitarian viewpoint on submission far better than I ever could. I will share some of my favorites at the end of this post.

But there was one thing that really cemented it all for me, personally. It happened when my children and I started to actually SEE the demons and angels that exist in the unseen world.

My children and I have seen
Demons affecting people, ESPECIALLY believers.

My kids have watched the demons hang around, sit upon, go before, attach themselves to, whisper into the ear, choke, hamper, instigate, incite, and especially monitor, people.

They have seen people being manipulated by the demons, getting them to do things they would not do without the demon’s meddling. This has frequently happened in our own family.

We have witnessed, that whatever the demon whispers into the person’s ear, comes right out of the person’s mouth, usually word for word, unchanged.

So, if an evil spirit is affecting my husband, whispering in his ear, and my husband is repeating the demons words word for word, as he is telling me what to do, am I still supposed to submit to him?

Just who would I be submitting to? My husband? Or a demon?

I know without a doubt, what a believer is to do concerning evil and demons. The bible tells us that we are to:

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7, NIV)

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess. 5:22 KJV)

Cast out unclean spirits. (See Matthew 10:1, KJV)

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21 KJV)

So, clearly, simply submitting to my husband
Is not always God’s Will for me,
For I know that God would not want me to submit myself to a demon or evil spirit.

The one piece of scripture that the Lord has kept bringing to me on this, is Colossians 3:18.

Wives, subject yourselves to your husbands, as is appropriate in the Lord. (CJB)

Most people stress the first part of this, and gloss over the last part of it. But the Lord was stressing the last part of it with me.

It was His way of telling me, that I was to ALWAYS come to HIM, FIRST.

GOD would be the one to determine if I was to obey my husband, or not.


There have been times when the Lord has told me to remove myself for a short amount of time from my husband, so that I or he, could calm down and feel safe. (Abuse, even if it’s just verbal, was not God’s Will for anyone.)

Usually my God has me on my knees, P.U.S.H. praying for our hearts to be softened, first to Him, then to each other. He also instructs me to cast out the demon spirits coming between us, (or affecting one of us,) in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

One time I had figured for sure my God would understand me not submitting to my husband, for it was a matter of life and death. And yet that was when the Lord told me to still go ahead and submit to him, to stay (and not seek out a safe and dry hotel,) despite the danger, and that my God would protect us all and cover us under His wings. (See https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/footsteps-of-a-guardian-angel/ for that posted example.)

I’ve had other times, when I thought that submitting to my husband was no big deal, and that I could go along with what he had decreed. (For example, moving to another place for a job.) Yet the Lord would tell me quite firmly, that I was to NOT to submit to him, and to get down on my knees and start P.U.S.H. praying instead, that my husband would re-think his position, for he was about to make a move that was not in the Will of God.

I asked the Lord for more confirmation, that there were times when a wife should not obey her husband. I asked Him to show me just one wife in the bible, that did not obey her husband, but was still thought of as being right or good by God. (I honestly did not think there was even one.)

But He gave one to me.


I found her story in 1 Samuel 25:1-42.

“She knew ma petite,” my Lord tells me, “that what she was about to do was against her husbands wishes. Nabal had felt that he had already dealt with the matter. Yet Abigail still knew that what her husband Nabal did was wrong, and was not the Will of God. So she disobeyed her husband, and went forth to greet David with gifts, as a representative of the town, and told David of her defiance against Nabal. She was no doormat to her husband. She was intelligent and thought for herself, as well as for the good of her people. She was Mine, (meaning her heart was for Me,) and she received My Blessings.”

So, there was my confirmation.

I am so very glad, that now in the New Testament (and beyond,) we can cast out such demons from troubling people, in the name of Jesus.

Most egalitarian conclusions claim that the bible promotes submission to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)

…Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5 KJV)

“Regarding life together and getting along with each other, you don’t need me to tell you what to do. You’re God-taught in these matters. Just love one another!” (1 Thessalonians 4:9)

During the hardest part of my marriage, when submission to my husband was simply unthinkable to me, the Lord gave me these words:

“When the wife submits to her husband, and the husband puts her needs first, this makes a beautiful Christ-like marriage. Think of this in terms of steps. If you have trouble submitting to your husband, then focus on submitting to ME instead. And after a while, (of being one with Me,) you may find that submitting to your husband will happen, simply by the OUTGROWTH of your relationship with ME. Submit to Me, until you are able to submit to one another.”

I pray that this testimony will reach those it was written for. Whether male or female, God loves you VERY much…


C. Dunamis


http://newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/submission-respect-1-peter-3_1-6/ (Interesting insights on OT Sara.)

http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/christian-myths-on-gender-and-gender-roles/ (This is a page of topic links. She also has other good writings to look into on her web site.)

http://www.rockymountainministries.org/mythbusters/17-mythbusters/42-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry.html (There are many more links to check out in their side bar.)

http://titus2keeper.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/wives-are-subject-to.pdf ((Very good and worth reading many times!)

* * * *


12 comments on “Who Would I Be Submitting To?

  1. I too have seen a couple of demons controlling my husband and I named it. I never gave my husband the treatment that I gave the demon. I spoke forcefully and faithfully, casting out and engaging on battle levels with it, But I never let it effect the love and submission I had for my husband. Splitting the two helps keep the discerning clearer. I too have distanced myself from the home sometime for a number of weeks. I kept lovingly communicating with my husband but gave room for the demon to surface enough for him to see it and be willing to let God remove it, along with many times I spent praying on my face. What a change when that spell was broken AMEN!! I pray you will soon have the victory that God can bring about. Blessings to you and well done for sharing this personal and difficult post! Blessings to you and your family.

    • I had chills when I read your comment! How were you able to ‘name it’? Did the Holy Spirit tell you?

      I admire the way you were able to discern the difference between your husband and the demons. There are times when I still struggle with this. How can you still submit to your husband, when the demons are so clearly affecting him? Have you ever felt like it was the demons that were speaking to you through your husband?

      When you have distanced yourself from the home, was it a physical removal of yourself, or an emotional one? I have never been able to physically leave him for a period of time, for we have no close friends or relatives who would take me and the kids in, and we were (are) too poor to pay for a hotel room, even for one night, much less several nights.

      Yes, when those demons leave, it can make for quite a remarkable change upon the affected person! Almost as if the person was a brand new creation…

      The Lord has moved us up and out of the valley, so everyone’s breathing and health has greatly improved. Being surrounded for many years by many oil refineries, a tire fire, and a nuclear testing lab, was becoming too much for our lungs to cope with. I was praying that the Lord would either bring me home (meaning heaven,) or to move us to a place where I could breathe easier. That’s when one of my kids had a dream that showed us exactly what our future house would look like, and within the year’s end, we had found the exact place, bought it, and moved in to it. (Thank You Jesus Christ of Nazareth!) I remember being concerned over an odd smell that permeated our bedroom the first night we stayed in the country house. Turns out it was the fresh wild herbs growing on the side of the hill, right outside our windows. Talk about feeling silly! I knew then, that we really did need to move out of that smogland…

      My husband and I have worked through most of our issues by now, and rarely argue for any length of time. As soon as one of us gets testy or argumentative, the other one will stop and go P.U.S.H. pray, and cast out the demons affecting us. I definitely wish I had figured all this stuff out many years ago. It would have saved us so much heartache. It is one of the reasons why I started this blog. I wanted others to know that God really can do the impossible!

      • This is very, extremely complex so I start by praying that the Lord reveal to you His directions and His will and not allow my situation or advice to influence His will or guidance in any way. In His son’s Mighty Name, Amen.
        The Lord revealed to me through the Holy Spirit that I should name it. I used a name similar to my husbands but not exact, for example, If his name was Matthew I would name it Marcel. Or if it was Andrew then Anton or the like. I was given a specific biblical name for it also, but it is somewhat controversial in church circles and would take too long to explain and I only use it in rare occasions. If God has a specific name for it He will give it to you.
        I never submitted to my husband when his demon was in charge, EVER. I would say “Oh hello Marcel, I see you’ve come to pay me a visit again!” I would put on my spiritual armour and begin to summon an army of angels to come to my aid. Addressing the demon throws it somewhat, as it’s main power comes by remaining hidden, they can’t stand to have the light shined upon them. I can tell the difference very easily because of my husbands eyes. His are wide, beautiful and gentle but demons are cunning and cold (often look out from under the top eyelid). I removed myself and my children physically by staying with a friend, and another time I removed myself emotionally and told him he needed to leave the home until things could be resolved. I gave him completely into God’s hands. (It was the hardest thing I have EVER DONE, I’ve never stopped loving him) All this was directed by the Holy Spirit, I had to keep myself completely immersed in the word. I didn’t think he would leave, but he did quite willingly which surprised me. God can do anything when he has willing servants to work through. Yet I maintained Godly love towards my husband the whole time. Only the demon copped my outrage and attack through praying in the spirit. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have more questions, you can use my email address if you would prefer.
        By the way …and this is mega important…(you may already know this but I must be responsible and make sure) You can not cast out anything without filling the space. When you are in P.U.S.H Prayer focus on filling him with Jesus’ pure light and innocent blood. It will force out what is inside and leave no room for it to return. Be very sure that you have built up enough faith to pour it in to fill him completely, if your faith is weak or empty at the time, this may all come undone and empower the demon even more. You can build extra faith by excercising it, such as fasting, by going without anything you enjoy of this world, by doing a spiritual house clean, by handing over your day-to-day worries to God and not acting upon them, and by reading His word as much as possible. God’s blessings and armour be upon you and your family.

        • Dear Water Bearer,

          Thank you for your testimony! I have desired it, not so much for my own usage, (things between me and my husband has for the most part been good now for several years,) but for others going through their trials.

          Yes, demons do not like to be named! I have found that the Holy Spirit has at times, told me to speak the demon’s name in tongues, and that the Holy Spirit would pull the demon’s name out from my babble, and use it against it. (Depending on the power level of the demon, speaking its name out loud can add to its power, something I wish very much not to do.) Other times it has given me the demon’s name in terms of its effect upon another. For example, the demon of anger, or resentment, pride, or self-centeredness. I have found that the demons like to try to come up with any excuse as to why they can still stay there and not be forced to leave. But calling their name, makes their leaving inevitable.

          Interesting what you said about the eyes! My husband’s eyes usually have a calm rational look about them. But when he is getting attacked by a demon, especially the ‘do do’ demon, (or busyness demon,) his eyes will have a very open, rounded look to them, like a child who’s trying to act all innocent despite their actions. There is a frantic panicked glaze to the eyes as well, as if there is suddenly a rush to be put upon all his actions. It has become an immediate ‘red flag’ to me when I see that in his eyes. often times, upon seeing that in his eyes, I simply cast it out from troubling him, without even mentioning it to him.
          I have found myself wondering if an odd look comes into my own eyes when I get affected by one. Of course, when I’m affected by one, I don’t run to the nearest mirror to see if I can see it or not. My husband has however, been able to sense when I’m getting hit by one, through something in my body language. (Eyes or not, I’ve yet to ask him.) I’m just relieved that he can tell, and cast them out from me! Interesting what you’ve said, about the filling up of space after casting the demon out. I pray I will remember to add that part on to my prayer.

          Thanks again for your comment,
          and may God’s Blessings be upon you and your family as well!

          C. Dunamis

  2. It’s a good testimony and reminders about stepping into the flesh and/or acting from demonic influences. Helps for any relationship and prayer/taking all things to the Lord. Also touches on thinking/acting quickly, speaking quickly vs slowly and bridling the tongue and having a firm set of mind upon the Lord and the word dwelling richly in us and things above..and lots of stuff..lol. Not married here, but found it helpful! :))

    • Ah Bread,

      I’m praying that you will one day find that special someone, who will join you in your love and devotion to Christ. You are like a beautiful gem, waiting to be discovered by a very fortunate woman. Your heart is loyal, strong, loving, and dependable. A Christian woman would be blessed greatly to have you for a husband. Dear Lord, I ask that you please send Bread that special someone you have reserved just for him…

  3. I have never been married, but I think this is similar: I used to work in a lumber yard in Iowa for several years. For five years, I worked for a great foreman. Then he left for another job. Then we had a new foreman–he was worthless. I thought about leaving the lumber yard and getting another job. After a few weeks of contemplating this, I made the decision that I was working for the Lord Jesus Christ and not the lumber yard and my whole attitude changed.

  4. This is a wonderful testimony and so revealing. Thank you for sharing this experience and your spiritual insight. It is very helpful for me and I intend to read more of your posts. Thank you for visiting by blog. Peace and Blessings

      • I am married and have had many struggles in my own life, I have come to realize that submission is not just for the wife, but for the husband especially as Ephesians 5: 25-30 says
        25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

        So, it is my responsibility, as hard as it can be sometimes to submit my will to God and in doing so acting in a loving way toward my wife because that is Gods will. Taking my responsibilty as spiritual leader of my home and praying for God to guide me by the Holy Spirit. I don’t think it is a coinsedence that Ephesians 5 is about marriage and Ephesians 6 is about spiritual warfare, because the enemies first objective is to destroy the family unit because there is strength in numbers. Once the family is destroyed it is so much easier to spiritually kill individuals one by one.
        I enjoyed this article and will check out this website further, it is good to see so many brothers and sisters standing in the truth and seeking Gods will.
        God bless,
        Matthew Stephen

        • Hi Matthew,
          Thank you for taking the time to comment!

          I can testify from my own 27 year old marriage to my husband, (and our family,) that the spiritual leader of our home, has been whomever is closest to the Lord at any given time. There have been times when my husband was much closer to the Lord, and therefore ended up leading our family to stay close to Jesus. There have been times when my husband’s faith faltered, and my own was very strong, and I then became the one to help hold the family together in Christ. There has even been times, when one of my kids has spiritually led our family out of danger, because they could see (where we could not,) into that unseen world, and seen the demonic danger that was lying in wait before us.

          I agree with you very much, that satan is trying to break apart the family unit. After all, several cords woven together, is always stronger than one cord on its own!

          May we all remain in Him,
          C. Dunamis

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