Thinking Of Leaving Your Spouse?

I Had a dream the other night.

This was a dream, where me and my husband separated shortly after we were married.

I went to New York City, met another high fashion artist, (he could have been an actual sculptor or painter artist, I’m not sure.) We got married and stayed together for a few years, and then we separated. During this time, I became an unbeliever. After the trial separation period, we divorced.

I then went from long-term relationship to long-term relationship, each one lasting a few months to a few years. In some of the instances, I married them, and then divorced them.

I was great at matchmaking all my friends, (I had good enough friends to call them my ‘sisters’,) but wasn’t so great at it when it came to myself.

In my latest relationship, we had taken a break from each other, (Which is how my marriage to my first husband ended, by the way,) and I was in a nice upscale apartment in New York city, a high rise of some kind, close to the financial district. I was unpacking, and wondering why I always ended up by myself, and dancing around in my apartment, singing to a song called “Bad Case Of Loving You” by George Palmer, from 1979.

A hot summer night, fell like a net
I’ve gotta find my baby yet
I need you to soothe my head
Turn my blue heart to red

Doctor, doctor give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of loving you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of loving you

A pretty face don’t make no pretty heart
I learned that buddy, from the start
You think I’m cute, a little bit shy
Momma, I ain’t that kind of guy

Doctor, doctor give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of loving you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of loving you

Woo oohh

I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me momma are you gonna stop

You had me down, 21 to zip
Smile of Judas on your lip
Shake my fist, knock on wood
I’ve got it bad and I’ve got it good

Doctor, doctor give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of loving you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of loving you

(In the dream, when the song said ” I know you like it, you like it on top”, this was not meant to be sexual, but was instead a comment of how the person always liked to be in control and on top of things in a relationship.)

I could see my reflection in the mirror, and knew that I looked good. I was slim and trim, and still had no gray hair. (Though I could have colored it.)

I was wondering how long it would be, before meeting someone new, (I was still ever full of hope of meeting the ‘right’ guy,) when I caught the eye, of another man from across the apartment complex; another high rise apartment owner, looking for love as I was. I smiled back at him and knew then it would not be long.

Years later, out with one of my ‘sisters’, we were talking and trying to find out why no relationship of mine ever lasts very long.

The last one I had before my current one, lasted eight months. The one I was, again, taking a break from, was a little over seven months long.

While we were out, we seen both of these men. At this point, I was just as familiar to the older one as I was to the newer one. I kissed the older one, and he asked me if I realized how long it had been since I had kissed him and hugged him. I said no. “Eight months”, he replied. I grabbed his arm and asked him to go to dinner with me and my friend. He went, cause that was the kind of guy he was; somewhat shy, with a true heart. (Like my first husband.) My friend then seen my current boyfriend, (well, at least the most recent one,) and pulled him aside and managed to cajole him into joining us. He didn’t really want to, for he was trying to ‘take a break from me,’ like we had agreed to do.

We all sat down in the restaurant, and began to talk about the problem of my relationships going nowhere. The guy who I had been with in the past, was solid and dependable, but was too staid and unexciting for me. (He was thinking of getting everyone to sign a petition in his neighborhood, to try and fix the water quality. That was as exciting as he got.) My friend, my ‘sister’ said she’d take my cast-off any day, and proceeded to hook up with him. They ended up getting married and living happily ever after.

I soon realized through this talk, that I still had a deep seated fear of loved ones leaving me, and the moment I would feel like something was not quite right, (at the first sign of a problem,) I would go ahead and leave them, just as my first husband had left me all those years ago. I would leave them before they could leave me, and before I could get any closer to them. It was just as I used to do when I was little, when I’d suddenly find out that we were moving again. I’d break it off with all my friends as soon as I heard, for I didn’t want to get any closer to them and thereby get hurt even more.

Deep down inside, I knew that I was still in love with my first husband. Like the song said, ‘I had a bad case of loving you’. But I knew that he would never take me back.

My current boyfriend and I, decided to get married and stay married. But the marriage seemed like it was always missing something. We had no children. It was in no way shape or form like my marriage to my first husband. It lacked depth. It lacked that soul bonding closeness.

It lacked God.

I woke up then, my heart pounding, realizing, that if my husband had left me, back in New York, like he almost did, I would have never really known God. Jesus would have become just a legend or a fairy tale to me, without any real substance to hold on to in times of trouble.

I also knew, without doubt, I would have ended up in hell.

After I got up, I could still hear George Palmer’s song running through my head. I quickly put on some praise and worship music, and begin praising my God at the top of my lungs, and thanking Him for keeping me and my husband together…

THANK YOU JESUS CHIRST OF NAZARETH!

(And thank you my wonderful husband, for staying married to me and being faithful to me all these years!)

*

I know these pieces of scripture can be painful, yet they are still there in the New Testament, and not something we should simply cast aside to pander to our feelings of discomfort. There are some real truths in these. I sense that they may be describing a simple unchangeable fact, and not just giving a basic ‘do not do this’ command…

Mark 10:2-12 (KJV)
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (See also Matthew 19:3-12.)

Matthew 5:31-32 (KJV)
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (See also Luke 16:18.)

1 Corinthians 7:39
“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”

Romans 7:2-3 (KJV)
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 6-16 (KJV)
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV)
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

Merriam-Webster defines fornication as: ‘consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other’.
*

I can understand why Jesus would say this. Divorce is painful. There is a strong bond that is made, with the first person you marry, that is not so easily broken. And fornication brings in some nasty demons. These demons are shared with each other within the marital bond. (The two have become one.) By allowing divorce from someone who can not remain faithful to their marriage, Jesus was protecting them from repeated severe demonic infestations.

Please know, I do not say these things lightly. It took a lot of persuasion from the Lord to even post this article. I know how uncomfortable it makes people. If not themselves, then everyone seems to know someone else who has gone through a divorce and then gotten remarried again.

I do know how difficult it can be, to live with an abusive spouse. I grew up watching my father physically abuse my mother. (She did not know about casting out demons.) Yet please note; even physical abuse is not given as a permissible reason to divorce your spouse. Jesus DID however, teach us to cast out any demons troubling us in His name. (If not cast out, at least bind up.) In my experience, violent demons are ALWAYS the cause of spousal abuse, and they can be removed. So, get yourself to a safe place, and then get rid of the demons but keep your spouse!

For a piece of insight on how satan can work between two people, see: https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/this-is-satan-attacking-us/

The Holy Spirit has told me, that there is someone out there reading this, who is thinking of leaving (or will be thinking of leaving,) their spouse. I pray that you do not. I pray that you find a way to cast out any demons that have come between you and your spouse, and to stay close to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Shalom; He WILL bring you peace!

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8 comments on “Thinking Of Leaving Your Spouse?

  1. Thank you so much for this inspiring essay. I was married to my soul mate for eight years. We grew up together and for the most part had a fantastic relationship and friendship. However, several years into it, he was discharged from the military and things were very difficult financially with both of us trying to finish college and make a living, plus we had started “partying” too much, and God took a back seat in priority. I “burned out” and instead of praying about it and listening to my heart. I left my dearest friend and husband. By the time I came to my senses and realized what I had done, I had moved on and was living with my then boyfriend in San Francisco. My husband was so hurt, he too “moved on” to an older, financially stable woman… I have studied in depth the above verses and grown so much in my understanding spiritually over the years since and hope that one day I can share that with my ex. Not a day goes that I don’t pray for reconciliation and healing ( despite everyone telling me how ridiculous that is after so much time, and I should move on). But I know God brought us together originally, and I hope and pray at some point he will realize that as well. I thank you for verifying this, and your prayers, as well, would be much appreciated. Blessings to you-

    • Hi Merrily,

      What a heart breaking testimony! I thank you for sharing it with me and the readers. I pray it will stop someone in the future from leaving their spouse!

      You are not alone in your wishing for reconciliation with your first love. I have a second cousin, who’s wife left him for another man. He has remained divorced and single, despite the many years now that it has been since she left him, in the hopes that one day she will return to him. He is a good looking and loving man, with money and stability to offer her. He plans to remain free, for her to one day return to.

      I pray that the Lord would gift you and your soul mate, with reconciliation and healing, in the name of Jesus!

      Blessings to you as well,
      C. Dunamis

  2. I read this soon after you posted this in September and feel it was meant for my 28 year old daughter. I sent her the link last month, but I don’t know if she read it. She is being treated for depression and wants to leave her husband of 2 years. I am catholic and grew up believing you honor your marriage vows and have tried to impress this upon her. I think that is the only thing holding her back from doing it. I am sure all of her friends are telling her to leave him…..

  3. I wept when I read the being freed from depression link you gave. My daughter is a mess! She said the other night when she was driving home from a concert that she thought about driving her car into a bridge abuttment. I keep praying to the Lord for a healing for her. She says she feels nothing for her husband and still wants to leave.

    I don’t think it would be safe at this time to cast out demons – I would be terrified that
    if she fell back at all, they would bring back all their buddies!

    • Oh Kathy! Feelings can change. There was a time in my marriage, when all the love I had ever felt for my husband was completely gone. We were sitting down with a counselor, and talking about divorce. But the counselor advised us to wait a year before going ahead with the divorce. During this time, we spent one hour a week just communicating our feelings and our needs with each other. (Half an hour for my husband to talk to me, and a half an hour for me to talk to my husband. There were other little guidelines too that the counselor gave us, to help us feel safe and not emotionally attacked.) We are so glad we followed it, for just six months later, we were beginning to have tender feelings for each other again. And by the end of that year, we were more in love with each other than we were in the beginning!

      If your daughter is a believer, you might be able to bind up those suicide and depression demons in the name of Jesus. They would still be in her, (and would need to be removed later on,) but at least this could help stop them from harming her…

      I pray that the Lord Jesus would reach out to your daughter, and gift her with His peace and love, and send angels down to stop her from committing suicide. I pray that a hedge of protection would remain all around her, especially during this troubling time!

      Blessings to you also, especially in these times,
      C. Dunamis

  4. Thank you for your prayers for my daughter. Her and her husband had a few marriage counseling sessions and the counselor told them that she couldn’t help them. I just can’t believe it! I don’t know what they will do now…. I just keep praying.

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