Reliving Old Grief

 

I dreamed of my mother again,
And of my grandmother.

I was back in my old childhood house, living out of a suitcase,
And having to face my mother’s death again.

My uncle was also there with me;
I sensed that he had been sent there to help me recover from my mother’s death, and was praying for me.

I kept wandering around the house looking for something familiar,
Something of comfort, but could find nothing.

I kept a blanket around me (I was only in my undergarments
Underneath,) and thought to get dressed, but even the clothes in my suitcase
Were unfamiliar.

I seen the odd collections of ceramics and plates that were still unfinished, (she liked to make them,) but they were things I had not seen before.

I sensed it was time to give them away.

I kept crying, the grief overwhelming me
Consuming from the inside out.

I tried to go through the closet to the other side of the house
Like I used to when I was young, but it had long been blocked off.

“I miss you so much mother!” I exclaimed to the closet wall.
“And I miss you too, grandma & grandpa!”

“But I miss my mama most of all!”

No matter how hard I tried,
I just kept crying.

I then woke up.

*

When I awoke,
I kept hearing the tune of a song, (a top 40 song,) that keeps repeating itself:
“I keep bleeding…Keep keep bleeding…love…I get cut up inside…”

I looked up the date of when my mother died.

Several years ago this Thursday.

Figures.
Maybe that’s why I dreamed of her again.

“That,” I felt God reply,
“and the tulips that are sitting on top of your kitchen counter,
Constantly reminding you of your grandmother.
They help too.”

I thought of my mother and how she lived in the same house as her parents,
And wondered how she coped with all the memories of her parents
Constantly surrounding her.

My heart remained heavy though,
As I relived the grief from my mother’s death.

“This is an attack from satan, Ma Petite,” my God replied.

“A dream of my mother?” I was a little confused of this.
“What’s wrong with having a dream of my mom?”

“This dream, brought you grief, pain, and loneliness, all over again.
Which kingdom is better served, bringing you that?”

True; it was hard to continue on with life when you’re struck down again with that ‘death grief’. Yes, reliving old grief definitely was an attack from satan….

*

Matthew 6:34 KJV “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Psalm 23:1-6 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

John 14:27 (KJV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

 

Drinking Deadly Poison

I apologize for not posting last month. For some reason I thought I had already posted something for the month of July.

I would like to say thank you again dear brothers and sisters for remembering me in your prayers!!

The Lord is bringing me though a valley of sickness and despair; He has shown me that I am now on my way out of it. He has commanded me to keep a diary of what I have endured, and wants me to publish it when I am completely healed. (Satan attacked my computer and completely destroyed it in an attempt to stop me; I am writing this from a friends borrowed computer.) I ask that you still keep me in your prayers, that I might be healed and complete the mission the Lord has placed before me. I claim in the name of Jesus that I will live and see and declare the works of the Lord!

Vitreous degeneration (blindness), floaters in the eyes, tilting vision, diabetes, obesity, neuropathy, nerve pain, amputation, skin infections, fungal infections, skin growths, migraines, back pain, internal infections, arthritis (joint pain), dizziness, bladder problems, and teeth problems, they all have tried to attack me. But I believe in Jesus name I will be victorious!

Before September 2015, I weighed over 235 pounds and my fasting glucose was 188 and the A1c was 7.3. Currently, as I write this, I weigh 160 pounds, and have a fasting glucose level of 96.3 and my A1c is 5.3. Some infections and skin growths have already been cured, and I no longer hobble around like a ninety year old woman with her walker. I have used no prescription medications to achieve these changes, nor have I become a vegetarian. I give all credit to the Lord Jesus Christ, who is guiding me through the maze in this valley and leading me out and up to the other side.

The Lord wants me to try and share with you an open vision that He gave me before I had begun my decent into this valley. It is an excerpt from my forthcoming book.

DRINKING DEADLY POISON

I was up in the heavens looking down upon the earth. Before me were waves upon waves of beautiful amber grain blowing in the wind. Some were lined up in rows next to each other in huge fields, while others seem to sprout up singly in the oddest places. Some even clung to the side of a mountain, or hung out over the water.

I knew I was in America.

Then I noticed that there were demons weaving in and around the shafts of grain, and I watched as they poured their different poisons into the grain’s root systems. When the wheat stalk had consumed enough poison, it sickened and died.

These demons were very careful not to concentrate their efforts in one place, but spread it out among the field, choosing one stalk here, and another over there. The time that the poisons took before they began to work seemed to vary with each individual wheat stalk. Some succumbed quickly, while other stalks needed more time and more poison. The demons made sure that it all seemed very random.

But it was a well thought out attack and not random at all.

My vision then panned outwards, and I could see that it was indeed the United States that I had been in. As I got farther out, I could see that the demons were trying to do the same thing in many of the other areas of the world. Their presence was not as strong in these other areas as they were in America. Those places with the strongest ties to America had more attacks than the others. But there were still some areas that had hardly been touched at all with the demons or their poisons. Those stalks of wheat were still strong and healthy.

The vision then ended.

*

Note: I brought up Mark 16:18 to the Lord, “…if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them…”, but He became angry and told me that this piece of scripture was never given as a license to change all the other scriptures that recorded what He proclaimed as food, and to make poison our daily bread instead. That was satan’s work.

The Man Was Stalking Me

The night before this incident, I had been listening to a song that pointed out that what others see in us may be the only Jesus they see. I pondered over this, and prayed that I too, would be like Jesus to others.

I went out to run some errands, and almost ran into another car. The Holy Spirit tried to stop me from going out at that moment, (I sensed Him saying “wait!”,) but I went ahead anyways, figuring it was just my imagination, and not really Him speaking. I was making a turn onto the road and then getting into the left hand turn lane. I looked and could see no cars, so I went. When I was almost in the turn lane, I seen another car in the rear view mirror on that side, (had he hit me, he would have hit my left back tire area,) and I swerved back into the other lane for a moment, (thinking he would then drive past me,) but instead he let me go back into the lane.

The first thing I did was thank Jesus that we had not hit each other, and then continued driving.

Then I realized the man was following me.

He went everywhere I did, and I tried to go to different places to lose him, (perhaps it was just a coincidence that he was still right behind me,) but soon realized that this was no coincidence, and he was stalking me.

I prayed to Jesus to help me, as I pictured all sorts of horrible things happening to me; being shot, being beaten, (satan had fun with this one,) and I pictured myself laying in a hospital bed and having to be there for months just to heal. The worst part, was thinking that this would hinder my children’s faith in Christ.

Then Jesus told me to bind up the man’s demons in His name, so I did.

I called up my husband and told him all that had happened, and he directed me to the nearest CHP office.

On my way there, I thought back to the nightmares that I have had, where someone tries to physically attack me, and somehow the Holy Spirit in me is able to diffuse the situation. As this was like a real live nightmare, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me in this real world situation too. I was shaking so badly that it was hard to drive safely, but I was too scared of this man to stop. One of my boys thought I should call 911, but I didn’t sense I was supposed to do that. Finally I came to the CHP and drove in, but there was no one there. They were closed.

I felt all alone.

Then the man drove in behind me and blocked my only way out.

I was trapped!

My husband was still on the phone, (I wanted a record of what happened, just in case,) and so I waited for the man to do what he would do.

He got out of his car and just stood there on the drivers side, motioning with his hands and saying something I could not hear.

So I opened up the window half way.

He looked as if his anger had deflated somewhat, (I sensed it was because I had bound up his demons,) but he immediately began yelling at me, saying “What the *?!?* happened back there!”

So I told him, “I’m sorry! I didn’t see you!”

He held up his hand then and said, “Stop! You just told me what I wanted to hear.”

I stared at him in amazement.

He said, “All I wanted from you is an apology.”

I looked at him in shock. “You mean you chased me all over this city just for an apology?!”

“Yes.”

He then proceeded to tell me about his awful day, and how this near accident had happened to him several times already today, and that mine was the final straw.

I said, “oh you poor man, and then when we almost hit…oh, I am so sorry; I never wanted to cause you any harm at all!”

“Oh,” he said, holding out his arms wide, “you can hurt me all you want, but I won’t let you touch those in this car!”

I said without thinking, “I’d never want to harm you or anyone; it’s against my religion!”

He didn’t say anything to that, he just stood there looking at me.

“I still believe,” I said to him, “that Jesus must have sent down an angel to help keep our cars apart from each other, we were so close!”

He reiterated how he had almost hit me, and how he was responsible for others in the car with him, and that even they were upset over the near hit. He made it sound like I was a very bad person because I had purposely done this to him and his loved ones. (His wife and child were sitting quietly in the car while he verbally ripped me apart.) I thought to myself that my driving record was still pretty good (thank You Jesus!,); the last time I had a fender bender, (it was a scratch in a parking lot,) was over thirty years ago. This guy looked like he hadn’t even spent thirty years upon the earth yet. Apart of me wanted to argue with him, but I was still too afraid of him so I remained silent.

He finished with his attack and then said that he was o.k. now, and was going to go, as he was all right, and (as an afterthought?) I was all right, and that neither one of us was hurt. “See?” he said to me, “that’s all I wanted to do.”

I said to him “May God bless you and give you a better day!”

And then he drove off.

I sat there for over an hour, waiting for the shaking to subside, (I did not feel safe to drive while I shook so much,) and then I went to finish my errands. As I did, I prayed for him and all those in his car, asking the Lord to bring them to Him and make believers out of them. I seen something in him that I once was; a seeker of justice at any cost, even at the cost of others I loved. I felt sorry for him, being buffeted to and from by the winds of chance, and being toyed with by satan. I remembered what it was like, being so affected by such evil, and having to face it without Jesus. There is an emptiness that is always there, along with that self-righteous demon to feed, and a feeling of always somehow being behind everyone else in the rat race and trying in vain to catch up.

When I got home, some of my kids were incensed on my behalf, saying “He had to have been speeding, Mom! There is no way anyone could sneak up on you that fast on that stretch of road without going over the speed limit! Either that, or he came out of a side road just as you did, and tried to get into the same lane as you. You were not the only one at fault, Mom; if you guys had hit, he would have been at fault too!”

“Yeah,” said my other son who had almost come with me on the trip, “I wish I would have been there with you; I would have told him a thing or two! I wouldn’t have let him speak to you like that! I would have called 911 and gotten the cops there to cite him a ticket for road rage!”

A part of me is glad my son did not come with me that day, (guess he stayed home for a reason!,) for things would have come to a very different conclusion had he been with me.

I sensed that the Lord Jesus wanted me to pray for him and his family, and that they needed my prayers and my blessing very much.

I found myself wondering if the Lord had set the whole thing up to happen, just so I would pray for them.

“No Ma Pettite,” He answered me. “I did not.”

Then the piece of scripture that talks about all things working out for the good of those who love Christ Jesus came to mind.

“But I will take the moves of the adversary and use it to my advantage,” He tells me.

I thought of those in the car with him, remembering how it feels to be held captive in a car with an angry driver. Those poor people! Then I wondered what kind of man would drag his loved ones around on such a chase, just to fight for an apology from a stranger. He had no way of knowing that I would do him no harm. I could have been a different person and had a gun and even threatened him and those in his car with it. He obviously was not thinking too clearly either, to take such risks just to placate his self-righteousness demon.

“He was a man who was filled with demons,” came God’s reply.

*

It was several days later, when I realized why what this man did to me is considered an actual crime all its own.

I found that even just the thought of getting into a car again to go somewhere, left me shaking, dizzy, and wanting to toss my cookies. I could not even walk at the thought of driving, because I shook so badly. I started to cry, feeling like a helpless victim, chained down to the house, and unable to go out any more. It was horrible!

I pictured myself having to go to therapists for years and years, and even then not gaining much freedom from the sessions.

But then the words “helpless, victim, therapist” and especially the word “chained” stood out in my mind, till I realized that somehow, someway, I had picked up some demons, and it was the demons that were doing this to me.

I immediately calmed down, and asked someone in my family to cast out the demons from me, and anoint me with the blessed olive oil. The moment they did, I felt at peace once again.

Just to be sure they had really left me, I brought along someone else in the car with me, the next time I went out to run errands, so they could help me fight off the demons if need be. But they are gone for good. Praise Jesus! Truly there is great freedom in Jesus Christ of Nazareth!

Looking back upon the incident, there were times when I felt like I had just let the man and his demons attack me, and that I should have stood up for myself more. This left me feeling frustrated all over again. Finally I went back to the Lord Jesus about it. He then reassured me that I had done exactly as He had wanted me to do. That removed the last of the frustration, and left me with a sense of relief.

Would you pray with me for that man and his family? Pray that they would all come to Jesus and be set free from all the demons that plague them. Pray that they too, would experience the freedom that is found only in Jesus Christ!

*

Romans 8:28 (GNV) “Also we know that all things work together for the best unto them that love God, even to them that are called of his purpose.”

Proverbs 15 (KJV) “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Psalm 23 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Proverbs 3:25-26 (GNV) “Thou shalt not fear for any sudden fear, neither for destruction of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be for thine assurance, and shall preserve thy foot from taking.”

Psalm 27:1-3 (KJV) “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host pitched against me, mine heart should not be afraid: though war be raised against me, I will trust in this.”

Isaiah 54:17 (KJV) “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.”