The Man Was Stalking Me

The night before this incident, I had been listening to a song that pointed out that what others see in us may be the only Jesus they see. I pondered over this, and prayed that I too, would be like Jesus to others.

I went out to run some errands, and almost ran into another car. The Holy Spirit tried to stop me from going out at that moment, (I sensed Him saying “wait!”,) but I went ahead anyways, figuring it was just my imagination, and not really Him speaking. I was making a turn onto the road and then getting into the left hand turn lane. I looked and could see no cars, so I went. When I was almost in the turn lane, I seen another car in the rear view mirror on that side, (had he hit me, he would have hit my left back tire area,) and I swerved back into the other lane for a moment, (thinking he would then drive past me,) but instead he let me go back into the lane.

The first thing I did was thank Jesus that we had not hit each other, and then continued driving.

Then I realized the man was following me.

He went everywhere I did, and I tried to go to different places to lose him, (perhaps it was just a coincidence that he was still right behind me,) but soon realized that this was no coincidence, and he was stalking me.

I prayed to Jesus to help me, as I pictured all sorts of horrible things happening to me; being shot, being beaten, (satan had fun with this one,) and I pictured myself laying in a hospital bed and having to be there for months just to heal. The worst part, was thinking that this would hinder my children’s faith in Christ.

Then Jesus told me to bind up the man’s demons in His name, so I did.

I called up my husband and told him all that had happened, and he directed me to the nearest CHP office.

On my way there, I thought back to the nightmares that I have had, where someone tries to physically attack me, and somehow the Holy Spirit in me is able to diffuse the situation. As this was like a real live nightmare, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me in this real world situation too. I was shaking so badly that it was hard to drive safely, but I was too scared of this man to stop. One of my boys thought I should call 911, but I didn’t sense I was supposed to do that. Finally I came to the CHP and drove in, but there was no one there. They were closed.

I felt all alone.

Then the man drove in behind me and blocked my only way out.

I was trapped!

My husband was still on the phone, (I wanted a record of what happened, just in case,) and so I waited for the man to do what he would do.

He got out of his car and just stood there on the drivers side, motioning with his hands and saying something I could not hear.

So I opened up the window half way.

He looked as if his anger had deflated somewhat, (I sensed it was because I had bound up his demons,) but he immediately began yelling at me, saying “What the *?!?* happened back there!”

So I told him, “I’m sorry! I didn’t see you!”

He held up his hand then and said, “Stop! You just told me what I wanted to hear.”

I stared at him in amazement.

He said, “All I wanted from you is an apology.”

I looked at him in shock. “You mean you chased me all over this city just for an apology?!”

“Yes.”

He then proceeded to tell me about his awful day, and how this near accident had happened to him several times already today, and that mine was the final straw.

I said, “oh you poor man, and then when we almost hit…oh, I am so sorry; I never wanted to cause you any harm at all!”

“Oh,” he said, holding out his arms wide, “you can hurt me all you want, but I won’t let you touch those in this car!”

I said without thinking, “I’d never want to harm you or anyone; it’s against my religion!”

He didn’t say anything to that, he just stood there looking at me.

“I still believe,” I said to him, “that Jesus must have sent down an angel to help keep our cars apart from each other, we were so close!”

He reiterated how he had almost hit me, and how he was responsible for others in the car with him, and that even they were upset over the near hit. He made it sound like I was a very bad person because I had purposely done this to him and his loved ones. (His wife and child were sitting quietly in the car while he verbally ripped me apart.) I thought to myself that my driving record was still pretty good (thank You Jesus!,); the last time I had a fender bender, (it was a scratch in a parking lot,) was over thirty years ago. This guy looked like he hadn’t even spent thirty years upon the earth yet. Apart of me wanted to argue with him, but I was still too afraid of him so I remained silent.

He finished with his attack and then said that he was o.k. now, and was going to go, as he was all right, and (as an afterthought?) I was all right, and that neither one of us was hurt. “See?” he said to me, “that’s all I wanted to do.”

I said to him “May God bless you and give you a better day!”

And then he drove off.

I sat there for over an hour, waiting for the shaking to subside, (I did not feel safe to drive while I shook so much,) and then I went to finish my errands. As I did, I prayed for him and all those in his car, asking the Lord to bring them to Him and make believers out of them. I seen something in him that I once was; a seeker of justice at any cost, even at the cost of others I loved. I felt sorry for him, being buffeted to and from by the winds of chance, and being toyed with by satan. I remembered what it was like, being so affected by such evil, and having to face it without Jesus. There is an emptiness that is always there, along with that self-righteous demon to feed, and a feeling of always somehow being behind everyone else in the rat race and trying in vain to catch up.

When I got home, some of my kids were incensed on my behalf, saying “He had to have been speeding, Mom! There is no way anyone could sneak up on you that fast on that stretch of road without going over the speed limit! Either that, or he came out of a side road just as you did, and tried to get into the same lane as you. You were not the only one at fault, Mom; if you guys had hit, he would have been at fault too!”

“Yeah,” said my other son who had almost come with me on the trip, “I wish I would have been there with you; I would have told him a thing or two! I wouldn’t have let him speak to you like that! I would have called 911 and gotten the cops there to cite him a ticket for road rage!”

A part of me is glad my son did not come with me that day, (guess he stayed home for a reason!,) for things would have come to a very different conclusion had he been with me.

I sensed that the Lord Jesus wanted me to pray for him and his family, and that they needed my prayers and my blessing very much.

I found myself wondering if the Lord had set the whole thing up to happen, just so I would pray for them.

“No Ma Pettite,” He answered me. “I did not.”

Then the piece of scripture that talks about all things working out for the good of those who love Christ Jesus came to mind.

“But I will take the moves of the adversary and use it to my advantage,” He tells me.

I thought of those in the car with him, remembering how it feels to be held captive in a car with an angry driver. Those poor people! Then I wondered what kind of man would drag his loved ones around on such a chase, just to fight for an apology from a stranger. He had no way of knowing that I would do him no harm. I could have been a different person and had a gun and even threatened him and those in his car with it. He obviously was not thinking too clearly either, to take such risks just to placate his self-righteousness demon.

“He was a man who was filled with demons,” came God’s reply.

*

It was several days later, when I realized why what this man did to me is considered an actual crime all its own.

I found that even just the thought of getting into a car again to go somewhere, left me shaking, dizzy, and wanting to toss my cookies. I could not even walk at the thought of driving, because I shook so badly. I started to cry, feeling like a helpless victim, chained down to the house, and unable to go out any more. It was horrible!

I pictured myself having to go to therapists for years and years, and even then not gaining much freedom from the sessions.

But then the words “helpless, victim, therapist” and especially the word “chained” stood out in my mind, till I realized that somehow, someway, I had picked up some demons, and it was the demons that were doing this to me.

I immediately calmed down, and asked someone in my family to cast out the demons from me, and anoint me with the blessed olive oil. The moment they did, I felt at peace once again.

Just to be sure they had really left me, I brought along someone else in the car with me, the next time I went out to run errands, so they could help me fight off the demons if need be. But they are gone for good. Praise Jesus! Truly there is great freedom in Jesus Christ of Nazareth!

Looking back upon the incident, there were times when I felt like I had just let the man and his demons attack me, and that I should have stood up for myself more. This left me feeling frustrated all over again. Finally I went back to the Lord Jesus about it. He then reassured me that I had done exactly as He had wanted me to do. That removed the last of the frustration, and left me with a sense of relief.

Would you pray with me for that man and his family? Pray that they would all come to Jesus and be set free from all the demons that plague them. Pray that they too, would experience the freedom that is found only in Jesus Christ!

*

Romans 8:28 (GNV) “Also we know that all things work together for the best unto them that love God, even to them that are called of his purpose.”

Proverbs 15 (KJV) “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Psalm 23 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Proverbs 3:25-26 (GNV) “Thou shalt not fear for any sudden fear, neither for destruction of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be for thine assurance, and shall preserve thy foot from taking.”

Psalm 27:1-3 (KJV) “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host pitched against me, mine heart should not be afraid: though war be raised against me, I will trust in this.”

Isaiah 54:17 (KJV) “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.”

A Sign Of ME Is What You’re Looking For

April 7th, 2005

After several more days of enduring these horrid emotions,
(talk about dragging my feet!)
I finally go to God in PUSH prayer.

After 40 minutes or so, God tells me to go read
Through my old journal entries again.

“Which ones?”

“The ones on WAR.”

I had to go back to
Saturday, December 4th, 2004….

The old
“Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree’
dream.

(https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/a-simple-yellow-ribbon/

https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/what-god-was-talking-about/)

But Lord!
To soften before hand
And be ready for him when he returns,
Waiting for him with arms open wide?
I don’t know about that one, Lord…

I think of the ‘Call Of Duty,
extension CD game (my husbands favorite PC game) entitled:
‘United Offensive.’
It talked about the players needing to work with
their other team members, together,
so they could win the war.
A sort of parable of those working for Christ
And the kingdom of God.

“Could you not think of those hurtful words or deeds
as Satan’s weapons
that he tricks your husband into using against you?

Oh Ma petite, the more time you spend with me,
the more satan’s weapons will have no effect on you.
They will be rendered useless.”

Lord, when one becomes wounded
In this spiritual war, what do you do?
Just ignore the wound?

“If the wound is not serious, then yes.
You continue on till the course of the day
allows you to see to your wound.
If the wound is serious, and you physically can not go on
Fighting the good fight,
Then you must stop and as soon as possible,
Come to Me, so it can be treated.”

Oh Lord, just the thought of someone you trust
Suddenly turning on you and becoming the enemy,
Is too hard to bear!
How can one ever really come to trust them?

“When they reveal themselves as the enemy
(or as untrustworthy,)
that is when they would be sick and in need of Me.
There are many different wounds on this battlefield.
With some, you can see their wound right away,
And see how it is incapacitating them.
And with others, it is hard to see that death
Working to end the life within them.
Both you can not see except through Me.

Remember; only Satan cares for war, ma petite.

Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.
Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that you will be fully prepared. In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere.
(Ephesians 6:10-18)

I repeat:

Pray at all times
and on every occasion
in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Stay alert
And be persistent
in your prayers…”
(Ephesians 6:18)

Lord, is the earth shaking a part of war?

Then I thought of the weapons used in war.
Particularly of bombs.

Yet I remained a cynic.
Do bombs cause the earth to shake like an earthquake Lord?
I sensed the answer was yes, but I doubted,
For I did not know enough about war to know for sure.

“Yes little one,” He replied. “Trust Me; they do.
Especially the ones that fall close to you.”

Oh But Lord!
I don’t want to keep on fighting with him!

“This is your only choice;
the path I’ve made for you,
or Satan’s.”
(God’s path, means to stay with my husband,
despite him being such a …ugh!?)

“Do you think you are the only one to feel the bomb, ma petite?What if BOTH of you got injured by the bomb?”

These wounds obtained in battle…
are they like the heat that purifies the silver?

“That depends upon the action of the believer.
Heat only softens & melts the silver;
I Am the only one,
Who can skim off the impurities from the top.

If they came to me, in trust and child-like faith,
Asking me to purify them
And remake them into My image,
Then yes, the heat will serve
To soften you for the remolding,
And I will purify the dross from your soul.

But if you do not, if you remain hard,
And do not come to me,
Then the heat will only leave the believer
With the scars of war.

The harder the metal is
and the more scarred the believer,
the longer it will take,
to transform their image into mine.”

*

(After another hour or so in P.U.S.H. prayer…)

Oh My Child,
If you only knew of the power
You hold in your hands!
Like an Olympic runner,
The torch of hope and light
Has been passed to you
& is now in your hands.
If you could only realize,
The power, hope, and light
You hold in your hands,
Then NOTHING would stand
In your way!
Nothing…”

A torch, Lord?

“Yes. Like a relay runner
in the old Olympic games.
Research the first races.
You will find that there were
Many dangers
That could befall the runner,
And stop him from finishing
The race.”

*

(I remained on my knees in prayer for several more hours,
Still trying to overcome the painful words and actions
Of my husband. How could he be so uncaring?)

“Oh ma petite! You NEED
to get rid of that
‘You versus me’ mentality.
You NEED
To not take it personally,
as an attack against you.
The ‘you versus me’ mentality
And taking it personally,
Is what will lead you into battle
Against your brother
And against ME.

Strive to be free from these leads.

Remember ma petite,
The battle is ever between you and evil,
NOT between you and another.
NEVER MAKE IT A PERSONAL MATTER!
*

One day, eventually,
if you spend enough time
in My presence,
ALL of your wounds will be healed.

Even if you do not ‘feel’ like praying,
and asking for your hearts to be softened,
you are to FORCE yourself to ask for it,
because this is My will for you.”

*

As I rise,
(tired of all this P.U.S.H. prayer,)
That insatiable emptiness begins to fill me.

“You know what that feeling is, right ma petite?”

Yeah., I knew what it was.
It’s what happens when one turns away from Christ.
The heart and soul aches,
From the lack of nourishment it had partaken of before.

“You see, little one, this is an ‘either or’.
There is only two possibilities,
once you have drank from My fountain.
As soon as you turn away from Me,
The ever-waiting darkness ascends
And begins to eat away your soul.”

Oh, how nice;
The proverbial rock or hard place.
What a choice. ( – Not!)
Turn from You, and
Face the pain of emptiness within,
Or turn to You, and
Face the pain of betrayal by one loved,
Yet again.
Not much choice there, Lord.
Not much choice at all.

“Can’t you trust me, ma petite?”

(Sigh.) No Lord, I can not.
I am too afraid of the pain.

So I remain here immobilized,
As the teeth of withdrawal settles in,
Biting at my soul.

FINALLY,
I sigh,
Repent,
And then go back to Praying Until Something Happens.

*

Is this PUSH prayer, (Pray Until Something Happens prayer,)
The only way to do this? (I do not like praying like this; it sometimes feels like I’m just wasting my time…)
“No. But it’s quicker.
How long did you want
To stay in the hurt?
How quickly
Do you wish to heal
From these ‘wounds of war’?

*

Realize,
where the pressure is coming from!
Satan.
When possible, TURN TOGETHER,
To the only one who can fight
Against the adversary and win.
ME.”

*

Lord, How do I put on
Your protective armor,
That you talk about
In Ephesians 6?
It says to use every piece of Your armor.
I know that the sword is the words of the Bible,
And that my faith in You (ie: JUST BELIEVE,)
Can be a shield that protects me from Satan’s attacks.
But ‘the body armor of God’s righteousness’…
How in heaven’s name can one put THAT on?
What IS it? I simply do not understand!

“Each time you come to me to pray,
a thin layer of this protective coating
is given to you. Kind of like the polyurethane
you coat the kitchen table with, to protect it
from getting damaged.
The more coats that cover you,
The more protected from hurt you will be.”

This coating…
Does some of it come from the Holy Spirit?

“Yes.”

*

lord, how can I tell
when my loved one is acting ‘foolish’?
Are there not signs that I could watch out for?
(So I could stop and go P.U.S.H. pray sooner,
In the hopes of preventing more hurt.)

“A person acting foolish will:

Try to control things and others
By rage, passive anger, sullen silence,
Whining, complaining, threatening suicide,
Give you the ‘silent treatment’,
Lie, cheat, steal, or charm you, or
play the role of a victim or martyr,
leaving you feeling abused.
They believe that if YOU were different,
There wouldn’t be a problem.
They act self-reliant and self-centered,
Complacent, selfish, sullen,
Quick-tempered, and or contemptuous.
They trust in themselves alone,
And stubbornly maintain their position
At all costs. (ie: they are always right.)
They mock at the thought
of making amends for their actions.
They create strife
because of their selfishness,
and cause destruction,
often with their tongue.
They stubbornly want to do
what they want to do,
(and they enjoy doing it,)
Even though it may endanger
Themselves or others.”

What are the signs of being in full repent?

“You will see an attitude of humility
(Not just agreeing that they were wrong.)
They will often look for ways to make amends.
(ie: Have the heart of a servant.)
When they are genuinely sorry,
They will not be pushy, or demanding
In getting their needs met.
If you end up getting more
Complaints, excuses, or conditions,
From them, chances are
That they are still not in full repent.”

Then I would need to go back and keep P.U.S.H. praying for them?

“Yes.”

*

But Lord, I’m so busy!
I don’t have that kind of time just to go P.U.S.H. pray!

“Go do your job as you must,
But give all your free time to Me,
In P.U.S.H. prayer.
Remember ma petite,
Whenever ‘something is not as it should be’,
It is then, that you are to STOP
And COME TO ME, and
PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS.
This something,
Could be your loved one’s heart
changing and softening to Me and to you,
Or even a sense of peace that finally comes over you.

A sign of ME, is what you’re looking for…”

* * * *

Being Freed From The Demon Of Depression

Today, I wish to post a testimony of thanks to my Heavenly Father, on this Father’s Day. I praise The great I AM! I praise You Jesus! I Thank You very much for saving me!

Many years ago, I had been suffering from clinical depression, probably brought on through the ill-advised use of the anti-depressant Prozac, prescribed for me (in dangerously large amounts,) in the hope that it would heal me of the constant migraines that I had been suffering from. Instead, it led me into a nightmare that almost ended my life.

Few people can really understand the anguish that affects one suffering from this kind of depression, unless they themselves have also suffered from it. For me, it was an actual physical pain, that affected my whole body. It physically hurt to be alive. So I have included a poem that I had written during this time, which shows the depths of which Jesus pulled me out of.

Within The Hungry Emptiness

The darkness ascends
It covers the mind
As thick as tar
To a place no one finds.
All the tiny pieces
That once could form your life
Now scattered in the air
You try to grab for one
To put it back in place
But your hand stays empty.
A ghost
In a solid world
Half here
Half there
Anywhere
Yet nowhere.
You float
From thought to thought
And jump
From deed to deed
So many energies in the air
Never finishing
Or going anywhere.
Red from anger
Gray with futility
Hands clenching through
A snarled empty head
Unable to grasp a thread
Watching the pot
Boil over with fear
Stumbling
Disjointed
Beyond just broken
Death’s stone face within me
Pulls my feet across the floor
Performs the motions of the living
While pulling my mind through its door
And shutting itself behind me
Click.
No fear
Too beyond it now
No hope
Too far ahead
So lost
So I stay where I am
Within the hungry emptiness.

*

Below is an adapted version of a ‘reader’s theatre’ script that I had written (and performed) for a church I used to go to many years back. It is the testimony of how Jesus used one of His obedient children, to stop me from committing suicide, during the lowest point of my life. 
 
(From my viewpoint:)
I hid myself… in my bedroom closet.
Shut the doors…, then closed my eyes. Depression!…
That… ever-hungry emptiness… that haunted me,
Had finally… consumed… my all.   
All I could think of… was… how to kill myself.
But… through these thoughts,
a voice… from within… called to me, 
and whispered,… “I need you.”
I questioned the voice,… then realized it was God.
I told him how unworthy I was,… how useless.
Yet… he persisted.
“But… you’re God!”, I said,
“You?…You can do anything!
I scoffed. “What do you need me for?”
He answered,…“To help others… like you,
  To reach out …to those… among you
who have gone through… what you have.”
When I asked Him how,
He told me …time would tell,
And to somehow …just get through the afternoon.
“But I can’t!” I cried,
for I feared… my enemies,
Pain,… emptiness,… and… despair.
They’d press me to death, while I waited there. 
Then the voice reminded me; “Genna”.
“But God,” I said, “she’s probably busy today.”
Yet… I found myself calling her anyways.
I asked her if I could come over to visit,
And she told me… she wasn’t sure. 
“I’ll call you right back though,” she said,
“and let you know.” 
So I sat there by the phone…and waited. 

 (From my friend Genna’s viewpoint:)
I slammed down the phone,
Angry at God,
To think he would even ask this of me!
“You know,” I said, speaking out loud,
“just how long I’ve planned to go to this party,
And now you’re demanding I cast it aside?” 
“Be with her,” the thought clearly filled my mind,
“But Lord,” I insisted, “I can be with her tomorrow.”
“No,” the spirit whispered firmer this time,
“I need you to be with her now.”
I sighed, defeated, and said, “oh, all right,”
And when she arrived after my call,
I did sense something wasn’t right. 
We talked about the weather, the traffic, and gardening,
Spoke about nothing at all.  
Then after a time she stood up and said she felt better, 
And told me she needed to go;
For her husband would be home soon. 
“Oh how could you Lord!,” I fumed to myself,
as I followed her out towards the door, 
“I don’t understand why you asked this of me;
This was all such a waste of time!”
But after we said our goodbye’s to each other, 
She turned back to me and added,
“Thank you Genna, for being with me today.  
I would have committed suicide,
If it hadn’t been for you.”
I stood there stunned, as I watched her walk away,
Angry, my mind raced, and I wondered,
What should have I done instead?
“Peace little one,” the Holy Spirit replied,
“you have done what I asked,
now you must let her go.”

*

It took a while to be completely freed from that demon of depression. (I did not know at that time, about casting out demons in the name of Jesus.) Fighting off the depression always seemed to be a struggle. Till one day, listening to a prophesy TV show, the speaker, while praying for those in the audience, suddenly stopped and looked up into the camera, and said that there was someone listening to the broadcast, that was being freed from the demon of depression, right at that moment, and that this person should claim their healing in the name of Jesus, and to forbid satan to trouble them anymore. Satan tried to tell me that the message was for someone else, but I still wondered if it really was meant for me. “Yes! You!” the man’s voice called out (it felt like he was speaking directly to me,) “Do not doubt your healing! You have been set free!” At that moment, as I stood there in the living room doing some housework, I felt the heavy weight that had been on me for so long being lifted off of me. I decided right them and there, that I would claim the message as my own.

It worked!
Glory to Jesus Christ of Nazareth; for indeed, He has set me free!

(And yes, in case you were wondering, Jesus also healed me from the constant migraine attacks, but that story will have to wait for another day… 🙂

*  *  *  *