In this one, I am a woman in her late twenties to mid thirties. I have been chosen, randomly, to help out with an emergency procedure, pulled off the street by a nurse-
To help her complete an abortive procedure on a woman, because the attending physician was suddenly not there.
(I was not told why.) I told her that I could not do it; but she didn’t care. I was told I would go to prison, if I did not.
She directed me to a sink in the room, where the blood and body parts of the now-dead baby was being pulled out of the woman’s womb by some kind of sucking tube. She told me to keep the pump going manually, so the procedure could continue. I tried, thinking I could do it if it was just blood, but when I seen a tiny foot and a hand come out into the sink, I froze. The pump stopped, and the nurse then yelled at me to continue. But I couldn’t. It was as if the muscles in my arm simply couldn’t do it anymore. She continued to yell at me, until she paused and waited for me to respond. I simply held out my hands to her, and with a sad and sorry expression on my face, I told her that I HAD told her that I could not do it.
She gave a hefty sigh of great disgust, took the pump from me, and then shoved me towards the woman, telling me to stay with her and keep her calm.
When I moved past the blue surgical privacy screen to where the woman’s head was, I gasped with shock. This was no woman! She was just a girl, maybe six or seven years old, at the most.
I went up to her, and put her hand in mine. She was as white as death, gaunt, bruised, and very very weak.
Her long blonde hair framed her face, and was tucked under the blanket with the rest of her. One look at her face, and I knew that at one time, she would have been quite beautiful.
At the touch of my hand, her eyes fluttered open, and focused on me. But then she looked all around the room, and then said out loud “this is heaven?”
I told her no, and then asked her why she thought she might be in heaven, and with her simple child voice, she said, “because that is where I will go when I die.”
She then told me, that she expected heaven, because her heart had just stopped beating. (Which meant, to her, that she was now dead.)
At that moment, the heart monitor went still and straight, indicating that her heart had indeed, just stopped.
I yelled out to the nurse at the other end, that the girl was dying, and that she should come right away, to help her live.
But the nurse yelled back at me to wait; that she was almost done with the procedure, and would come help then. I tried to tell her that it would be too late, but she ignored me.
Just then, the girl said very softly, that she was getting cold, and then I watched as her head fell to one side, and she snored two small light breaths of sleep, and then stilled. Her chest rose no more, and I knew that she was dead.
I watched, as her now unencumbered spirit rose up into the air that filled the small room. I seen her now-beautiful face turn to me with a smile, and in my mind, I heard her tell me, “Oh! THIS is heaven!”, as she drifted through the rooms ceiling. And onward to her peaceful eternity.
“Enjoy your heaven,” I told her with a whisper, as I waved goodbye to her with my hand.
The nurse rushed back to where I was, shoved me out of her way, assessed the girl, realized she had died, and then yelled at me.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was dying!?!”
I frowned, confused. “But I DID try to tell you!”
At this she became enraged, yelled at me at the top of her lungs and then pushed/threw me out of the clinic, and back onto the street, telling me and everyone else in hearing distance, that I was incompetent, stupid, and worthless.
She went back into the clinic, and I slowly turned to go back home.
I then woke up.
In the dream, I realized that she had been battered and raped by a family member – her father?- and that this was all she knew of life. She had no one to love her anymore, and she was looking forward to dying and going to heaven, for an angel had appeared to her, and told her to just hang on, and then soon, she would be with him in paradise.
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