Reliving Old Grief

 

I dreamed of my mother again,
And of my grandmother.

I was back in my old childhood house, living out of a suitcase,
And having to face my mother’s death again.

My uncle was also there with me;
I sensed that he had been sent there to help me recover from my mother’s death, and was praying for me.

I kept wandering around the house looking for something familiar,
Something of comfort, but could find nothing.

I kept a blanket around me (I was only in my undergarments
Underneath,) and thought to get dressed, but even the clothes in my suitcase
Were unfamiliar.

I seen the odd collections of ceramics and plates that were still unfinished, (she liked to make them,) but they were things I had not seen before.

I sensed it was time to give them away.

I kept crying, the grief overwhelming me
Consuming from the inside out.

I tried to go through the closet to the other side of the house
Like I used to when I was young, but it had long been blocked off.

“I miss you so much mother!” I exclaimed to the closet wall.
“And I miss you too, grandma & grandpa!”

“But I miss my mama most of all!”

No matter how hard I tried,
I just kept crying.

I then woke up.

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When I awoke,
I kept hearing the tune of a song, (a top 40 song,) that keeps repeating itself:
“I keep bleeding…Keep keep bleeding…love…I get cut up inside…”

I looked up the date of when my mother died.

Several years ago this Thursday.

Figures.
Maybe that’s why I dreamed of her again.

“That,” I felt God reply,
“and the tulips that are sitting on top of your kitchen counter,
Constantly reminding you of your grandmother.
They help too.”

I thought of my mother and how she lived in the same house as her parents,
And wondered how she coped with all the memories of her parents
Constantly surrounding her.

My heart remained heavy though,
As I relived the grief from my mother’s death.

“This is an attack from satan, Ma Petite,” my God replied.

“A dream of my mother?” I was a little confused of this.
“What’s wrong with having a dream of my mom?”

“This dream, brought you grief, pain, and loneliness, all over again.
Which kingdom is better served, bringing you that?”

True; it was hard to continue on with life when you’re struck down again with that ‘death grief’. Yes, reliving old grief definitely was an attack from satan….

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Matthew 6:34 KJV “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Psalm 23:1-6 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

John 14:27 (KJV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

 

Cotton Balls

Cotton Balls

I used to question God, as to why He would give me a child like my oldest son. After all, I figured, how can he be of any use to God or anyone, with his hyper, anti-social, extreme ADHD behavior?

But then one day, when he was about seven years old, right before he was supposed to get on the bus to go to his special school for the handicapped, (this was before I decided to home school him,) he decided he just HAD to have cotton balls. He put up a huge fuss and refused to get on the bus, (I couldn’t even carry him onto the bus because of his kicking and screaming,) until he had some cotton balls.

I began to cry, and wondered if he had really lost it this time, and had gone completely crazy. But finally, I found him some cotton balls, and he walked onto the bus.

When he came home from school that day, I asked him (in one of his odd moments of calm,) why he had wanted the cotton balls. He told me he wanted to give them to his friend on the bus. (I figured he really WAS crazy then.) But something inside me made me ask why. “I wanted to show Steven what clouds were like.”

I frowned. “But son,” I said, using my ‘you-should-know-better’ voice, “you didn’t need cotton balls to show him that. He can just look up into the sky to see what they’re like.”

But he gave me an exasperated sigh. “No mom, he can’t,” he said. “Steven’s blind.”

And from that moment on, despite what all the experts were telling me, I knew that God must have a plan for him in this world.

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This son is now in his late twenties and works for a major industrial company, and it has been many many years now since he has had those issues of extreme ADHD or anti-social behavior. Back then, the expert doctors called it ‘oppositional defiance disorder’, but in his case it turned out to be demons. Once they were cast out of him, (repeatedly,) his behavior returned to normal within a matter of weeks.

He wasn’t always a follower of Jesus, despite being home schooled. It wasn’t until he was in his late teens before he decided to follow Him.

It happened while watching the movie “Fireproof” with us. I looked over at him and seen that he was crying. He asked me, “don’t you see the angel with its hand upon my shoulders? He has just told me that I am on their side now.”

Hallelujah! The Lord had answered my prayer, and he had finally become a believer. And sure enough, from that moment on, his primary focus has been on what God wants him to do.

This is the son that can see into the unseen world through reflections, such as seeing demons or angels through a pane of glass or in a puddle of water. He has also been able to audibly hear them. This insight into the unseen world came about after he gave his live over to Jesus.

He has been feeling lonely. God has put the desire to have a family in him, so he is currently searching for his bride, and would love your prayers that he finds the one that the Lord wants him to have. So far the Lord has revealed to him that she will be a ‘ginger’, but hasn’t said much else about her.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and pray for my son.

May the Lord bless you and keep you in the palm of His hands,
C. Dunamis

The Aftermath of the Fire

For us, life will never be the same. We have learned so much from this experience, things that have changed us in our daily life. We look at others differently, and we look at our God differently. Jesus is much bigger to us now, for we have seen the salvation He can bring!

We have heard of twelve other instances, where a believer used those scriptures (John 15:7-8, John 16:23-24, and Psalm 91) to make a claim upon their house, and their house was also miraculously saved! Hallelujah! It was wonderful to watch their face as they testified to me about it. The Holy Spirit’s light shone forth from their face till it seemed as if they glowed.

I also discovered that having cursed items in your home did not remove the legal right to use those scriptures to save the home! (This is a big thing for those of my readers who are stuck living with other unbelievers or pagans!) I know that my believing neighbor has cursed items in her home, for I have seen them. Her and her children are believers, while her husband is not yet a believer. Sadly, their lives testify to the cursed items being there, for great have been the troubles upon those that lived in that home!

That is one thing I have witnessed through this fire. Those who practice deliverance have a peaceful and prosperous life. Those who do not believe in such things as demons affecting Christians, or those who simply do not practice deliverance for themselves, have a life filled with problems.

I had also wondered what it would be like, to stay on land that was not blessed. When we go to stay at a hotel, we bless it with blessed oil, for we know we have the legal jurisdiction over it due to the paying of rent for its use. But we didn’t have that while staying with others during the evacuation. Both homes that we stayed in, were not blessed homes. The Jehovah’s witness home was actually under a curse besides, for the woman of the house has had it blessed by the elders of that cult. I found that much time was spent in spiritual warfare; at the JW house, it was all I could do just to keep up with the attacks. After that incident with the fire demon nightmare and that playing card, (at the unbeliever’s house,) I went out and purchased some olive oil, and then blessed it for our use. I then blessed the beds we used, for the owners of both places stated that we could sleep there. I looked at it as a matter of a gift that was being given to us, and in that case, I hoped that the spiritual laws extended to such gifts from the owner.  It must have worked, for our sleep was much better after blessing the beds.

The Jehovah’s Witnesses contacted us, several weeks after they had kicked us out of their home, saying that they were sad at how things turned out, and that they wanted to get together with us for dinner. The Lord pointed out to me, that this was not an actual apology, (in essence, they were saying that they were sad that I had acted the way I did,) and besides it was the man who initiated the email, and not the woman herself. I found out from her son, that she still felt she was in the right and had done no wrong, and that the father was in agreeance with her. My husband and I prayed to the Lord and asked Him what we should do, and He told us to have nothing further to do with them. He gave me this piece of scripture as His reasoning: “Reject him that is an heretic, after once or twice admonition, Knowing that he that is such, is perverted, and sinneth, being damned of his own self.” (Titus 3:10-11, GNV) I thought to give them another chance, but the Lord reminded me that she had many chances over those two days, as I answered her questions with the scriptures, and that even my son, who is friends with her son, also got kicked out from her home before, because he was trying to answer her questions about hell. So they have had their two chances already. I need not do any more. The Lord told me that he does not want us to go out and dine with a bunch of demons, and that this is in essence what we would be doing if we got together with them. My heart has ached over this, for I hate to think of them being cut off from Jesus.

It has also been sad to see a man that I had hopes for, turn away from Christ yet again. He was doing landscaping for us at the time of the fire. I made the claim to him that the Lord Jesus would save our home from the fire, just moments before evacuating. When he seen that it was spared, he put it all down to luck. This man has had such bad luck, always getting ill in some way, or his kids being in accidents, that I have told him that he either needs a new profession or a new God. He laughed and told me he just needs to be able to hire a bunch of workers that he can order around and everything would be fine. He has yet to understand. I pray that he will come to see that what he really needs is Jesus.

I find myself wanting to go back to those believers who have lost their homes, and testify to them about the scriptures that they could have used to save their homes, so it won’t happen to them again. Yet one of my boys pointed out to me, that they would then feel like it was their fault that their house burnt down. And I can see his point. No one likes to find out that they could have saved their home if they had just used that piece of scripture and believed. So for now, I leave it be. But there may come a time when I might be called to testify to them about it. I pray that if and when that time comes, I will be courageous enough to do it. Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” Apparently their homes can be destroyed too.

The family who’s son called mine to warn us about the fire in the first place, and who ended up losing their home, are cessationists; they believe that speaking in tongues, casting out demons, and healing all died off with the original apostles. We testified to them, that we claimed that piece of scripture and that is why our house was saved. They frowned, but said nothing. I can only pray that the seed takes root in fertile ground. The Lord had told us not to give them any money, and I am glad that we did not, for their insurance is paying them extremely well, though they are having quite a fight with their insurance to get the money. We got a new couch, and we had planned to throw out the old one in the dump, but they asked us for it instead. When I asked the Lord if I could give it to them, He responded with such contempt that it startled me. He said “They can have your garbage!” When I asked Him why He was so angry, He told me that He longs to give them the best, but they insist on relying on man (their church,) and the government, instead of relying on HIM. He feels slighted over their choice to ignore Him. They could have so much more, but they refuse His help and His gifts.

During the middle of the night, several weeks after we had returned, I awoke to the smell of fire. Panic then hit me in the chest so hard, that for a moment I was left breathless. Satan kept trying to convince me that I should get up and go out to see if the fire was close to our house. He told me that it was only luck that saved our house in the last fire, and it would not be saved in this one. At this absurdity the spell was broken, and I laughed out loud and told him that there was no way it was just luck. I then cast him out and claimed in Jesus name that no fire would ever even get close to our house again. I then contentedly fell back asleep.

I have really appreciated the prayers of the believers out there, said on my and my family’s behalf; I could feel them strengthening us as we went through this disaster. May the Lord Jesus Christ return unto you ten times the blessings that you have asked for me!

There is a favorite piece of scripture that I’d like to share with you, that I often like to say during my prayer time. “Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.” (Proverbs 3:25-26 KJV) Amen!

 

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