Reliving Old Grief


I dreamed of my mother again,
And of my grandmother.

I was back in my old childhood house, living out of a suitcase,
And having to face my mother’s death again.

My uncle was also there with me;
I sensed that he had been sent there to help me recover from my mother’s death, and was praying for me.

I kept wandering around the house looking for something familiar,
Something of comfort, but could find nothing.

I kept a blanket around me (I was only in my undergarments
Underneath,) and thought to get dressed, but even the clothes in my suitcase
Were unfamiliar.

I seen the odd collections of ceramics and plates that were still unfinished, (she liked to make them,) but they were things I had not seen before.

I sensed it was time to give them away.

I kept crying, the grief overwhelming me
Consuming from the inside out.

I tried to go through the closet to the other side of the house
Like I used to when I was young, but it had long been blocked off.

“I miss you so much mother!” I exclaimed to the closet wall.
“And I miss you too, grandma & grandpa!”

“But I miss my mama most of all!”

No matter how hard I tried,
I just kept crying.

I then woke up.


When I awoke,
I kept hearing the tune of a song, (a top 40 song,) that keeps repeating itself:
“I keep bleeding…Keep keep bleeding…love…I get cut up inside…”

I looked up the date of when my mother died.

Several years ago this Thursday.

Maybe that’s why I dreamed of her again.

“That,” I felt God reply,
“and the tulips that are sitting on top of your kitchen counter,
Constantly reminding you of your grandmother.
They help too.”

I thought of my mother and how she lived in the same house as her parents,
And wondered how she coped with all the memories of her parents
Constantly surrounding her.

My heart remained heavy though,
As I relived the grief from my mother’s death.

“This is an attack from satan, Ma Petite,” my God replied.

“A dream of my mother?” I was a little confused of this.
“What’s wrong with having a dream of my mom?”

“This dream, brought you grief, pain, and loneliness, all over again.
Which kingdom is better served, bringing you that?”

True; it was hard to continue on with life when you’re struck down again with that ‘death grief’. Yes, reliving old grief definitely was an attack from satan….


Matthew 6:34 KJV “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Psalm 23:1-6 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

John 14:27 (KJV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”



Seeing My Mother On Mother’s Day

(I am hesitant to share this post, but the Lord is telling me that there is someone out there who needs to hear it…)

May 13th, 2007 Mother’s Day.

I seen my mother last night in a dream. (She has been dead now for many years.)

I was crying,
Over the stress in my life,
When I said out loud,
(still in my dream,)
“I wish my mother was here!
She’d know just what to say,
To make me feel better!”

And then suddenly,
There she was,
Before me,
With her arms open wide,
Welcoming me back in.

“Oh Mom!” I said to her, still crying,
(But now they were tears of relief,)
I’ve missed you SO MUCH!”

She wrapped her arms around me
Tightly, hugging me back.

She looked younger and full of vitality,
But I knew she was still the same mom that I knew.
I spoke to her about the problems,
And told her of my fears.

“Oh my child,” she said to me in response,
“It’s O.K.; God has us in His hands…”

I sensed that she spoke
Of the time line of eternity,
With ‘us’
Being the line of our family,
Which included my husband
And my children.

I then spent some time there
within her embrace,
soaking up the memories
of what it feels like
to hold her and touch her again.
I breathed in her comfort,
For I knew it might be a long time,
Before I’d get to see her again.

When my spirit was comforted
And at peace,
She left my presence.

I then,
Still in my dream,
Got down on my knees
Right where I was,
And spoke out loud to my God,
Thanking Him
For letting me see and be
With my mother again.

I then woke up.


God can send His comfort to us in ways we least expect…


2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (KJV) “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 (KJV) “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.”

Cast Out The Spirits Of Christmas

(Excerpt from my personal journal on 12-15-11)

We watched a TV show called ‘Glee’,
That showed everyone celebrating Christmas.

The usual holiday songs permeated the hour,
With just a small quoting of scripture in the middle of it,
about the birth of Christ,
(to the shame and embarrassment of the others,)
And then they ended up in a homeless shelter
(as a way to feel better about themselves after the Irish ‘elf’ quoted the scripture
Thereby ‘chastising’ them to be serious.)

I usually wonder at the value of the show in general,
Simply because it has been used as a doorway for satan
To attack me through in the past.
(Bringing back old negative memories,
Focusing on secular thoughts and emotions
And painting promiscuity and sin as desirable,
Without revealing the truth of the heartache and pain that comes in its stead.)

But this time I braced myself before I sat down to watch it with my family.

And I had thought I’d be O.K., afterwards.

But I was wrong.

Shortly after we got done watching it, (just a few minutes, really,)
The mood among my family (including me,) suddenly changed.
My oldest son went into self-centeredness,
Me me me me me,
Wanting to do what he wanted to do,
Despite anyone else around them,
And snapping out and talking back
To both me and his father,
Like we hadn’t heard from him in many many months.

And I,
I wasn’t much better.
I reacted like I used to,
With self-righteous anger,
Raising my voice,
While my husband threatened
to take away his computer for the night.

After a short while,
I realized that this behavior
Was caused by demons,
And promptly cast them out from us all in the name of Jesus.
I found my oldest son and hugged him,
And told him that I had cast the demons out from both of us.
Thank You Jesus, mine and my son’s behavior promptly went back to the way it had been before.

It wasn’t until later,
when I had pondered what had caused such a regression into those past behaviors,
That the Holy Spirit gave me His answer, and pointed out the TV show.

“The spirit(s) of Christmas
Are not as friendly and desirable
As they like to portray themselves as,
Are they, ma petite?”

“No!” I thought,
“Not as they are the cause
of such demonic attacks…!”

And then another thought occurred to me.

“Do these holly-day spirits
Attack everyone like this?”

“To many, yes; but not all.
There are also many other kinds of evil spirits
Attached to these ‘holly-days’…”


Going through my God journals of the past,
I come across the times when The Lord would use me
For His glory, His people, and His kingdom,
Throughout the holly-days, even celebrating them,
Thinking they were for YOU JESUS!
Miracles would occur,
Those spirits of Christmas,
The pagan ‘Christ mixing with Belial’ aspects of such worship.

“How could You be in
Such pagan practices, Lord?
Does this mean that they were false miracles?
That they were not from You?”

(This opened up such doubts!)

But then the Lord answers me,
“I can use anything
To reach out to My people,
Ma Petite.”

I sensed I was back
To ‘tightening that Belt of Truth
Around me’ again,
And it felt good.

It felt good to know, that despite the spirits of Christmas, God is still in control.

“I love you Jesus…thank you for loving me anyways…*”

* * * *

So I am here tonight, to testify, that if you still celebrated Christmas, and you have had fighting, irritability, depression, and greed (or other demons,) break out among your family members,


Do not run away from home,

decide to get a divorce,

commit suicide,

or give up hope in any way.


turn off all the holiday lights,

and cast out the spirits of Christmas (and whatever else satan’s hitting you with,) in Jesus name….



“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.’ Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.’ ‘I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.’ Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” (2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1)

See also:

This link is the first one out of twelve in the complete DVD that Doc Marquis has put on line for all to see:

It is his DVD entitled : ‘America’s Occult Holidays’, and covers much more than just Christmas. (I think he talks about Christmas in part 3.) It is an excellent DVD! (Doc used to celebrate Christmas when he was a satanist…)

And last but not least, this is one of my favorites:

The True Meaning Of Christ-Mass:


May the Lord bless you and keep you, and may His face shine down upon you and give you HIS peace!