Who Would I Be Submitting To?

I have dreaded posting this, because the topic of wifely submission has been such a volatile one within the Christian body of believers. However, the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me, to share my own experience in this matter, -at least some of it; because all of it would be enough to form a book, -for there are those still out there, who are being hindered in their walk with Christ because of it, and there are those who have even been kept from believing in Christ because of it.

I will say up front that I have quite a history with this topic.
For my entire childhood and teenage years, I watched my mother submit to the fist of my father. When my mother would go to the Roman Catholic Church for help, the priests would always tell her that if she was having any problems in her marriage, then it was her fault, and that she had failed somehow to submit to her husband as God’s Word instructs.
For what would the husband have to be upset about, (especially enough to hit,) if the wife always complied with the wishes of her husband? The same instruction was given to me as a child, concerning obedience.

But it never worked. Not for my mother, not for me as a child, and not even for my father, who was never satisfied, no matter what was done.

To be fair, my father was an alcoholic, struggling against that ‘demon in the bottle’. But I had not realized this, till I was older.

Sadly, I don’t think my father ever realized it.

Such heart ache within a Christian marriage, did not look good to those on the outside of Christianity. In fact, it was giving Jesus a bad name. After all, if this was the ‘fruit’ of believing, then who wanted it?

I certainly didn’t.

For what kind of God, could state in His Word, how much He loves us, even women, yet instruct women to stay in such an abusive relationship?

It made a mockery of God’s Word.

I secretly left the church, and began studying witchcraft,
In the hopes of evening out that score.

I lit certain colored candles and whispered spells that blessed my mother, and then lit certain colored candles and cast spells that cursed my father.

But no matter what I did in the end, the ‘scores’ always went back to the way they were, and the inner hurt remained.

Years later, when I truly came to Christ and repented,
I found I was still left with the same confusion.

One day, in going to my Lord about it within my own marriage,
The Holy Spirit spoke to me about the apostle Paul, and told me that Paul never meant to have his words be such a stumbling block for women. As I was crying my eyes out and pounding on the floor with my fists in my sorrow and grief, the Holy Spirit told me that Paul himself, up in heaven, was grieved to see how much I was hurting because of it. Paul’s intention was never to make women lesser beings than men, or to give license to men to abuse their wives, or even ‘lord it over women’. Paul wanted both male and female to care for each other, as Christ Himself cares for them. They were supposed to be a team, working together for the Kingdom of Christ.

This surprised me greatly, and gave me cause to research further into the words of Paul. What I discovered, made me delve further into some of the other scriptures concerning husbands and wives.

(If you’re interested in what Paul was really saying in those letters, a good book on the topic, is entitled “Paul, Women & Wives”, by Craig S. Keener, ISBN# 0-943575-96-6.)

What I discovered, was very eye opening and heart healing.

There are many good books and even web sites that are out there, that explain the egalitarian viewpoint on submission far better than I ever could. I will share some of my favorites at the end of this post.

But there was one thing that really cemented it all for me, personally. It happened when my children and I started to actually SEE the demons and angels that exist in the unseen world.

My children and I have seen
Demons affecting people, ESPECIALLY believers.

My kids have watched the demons hang around, sit upon, go before, attach themselves to, whisper into the ear, choke, hamper, instigate, incite, and especially monitor, people.

They have seen people being manipulated by the demons, getting them to do things they would not do without the demon’s meddling. This has frequently happened in our own family.

We have witnessed, that whatever the demon whispers into the person’s ear, comes right out of the person’s mouth, usually word for word, unchanged.

So, if an evil spirit is affecting my husband, whispering in his ear, and my husband is repeating the demons words word for word, as he is telling me what to do, am I still supposed to submit to him?

Just who would I be submitting to? My husband? Or a demon?

I know without a doubt, what a believer is to do concerning evil and demons. The bible tells us that we are to:

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7, NIV)

Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thess. 5:22 KJV)

Cast out unclean spirits. (See Matthew 10:1, KJV)

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21 KJV)

So, clearly, simply submitting to my husband
Is not always God’s Will for me,
For I know that God would not want me to submit myself to a demon or evil spirit.

The one piece of scripture that the Lord has kept bringing to me on this, is Colossians 3:18.

Wives, subject yourselves to your husbands, as is appropriate in the Lord. (CJB)

Most people stress the first part of this, and gloss over the last part of it. But the Lord was stressing the last part of it with me.

It was His way of telling me, that I was to ALWAYS come to HIM, FIRST.

GOD would be the one to determine if I was to obey my husband, or not.

I HAD TO GO TO GOD FIRST!

There have been times when the Lord has told me to remove myself for a short amount of time from my husband, so that I or he, could calm down and feel safe. (Abuse, even if it’s just verbal, was not God’s Will for anyone.)

Usually my God has me on my knees, P.U.S.H. praying for our hearts to be softened, first to Him, then to each other. He also instructs me to cast out the demon spirits coming between us, (or affecting one of us,) in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

One time I had figured for sure my God would understand me not submitting to my husband, for it was a matter of life and death. And yet that was when the Lord told me to still go ahead and submit to him, to stay (and not seek out a safe and dry hotel,) despite the danger, and that my God would protect us all and cover us under His wings. (See https://dreamsofdunamis.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/footsteps-of-a-guardian-angel/ for that posted example.)

I’ve had other times, when I thought that submitting to my husband was no big deal, and that I could go along with what he had decreed. (For example, moving to another place for a job.) Yet the Lord would tell me quite firmly, that I was to NOT to submit to him, and to get down on my knees and start P.U.S.H. praying instead, that my husband would re-think his position, for he was about to make a move that was not in the Will of God.

I asked the Lord for more confirmation, that there were times when a wife should not obey her husband. I asked Him to show me just one wife in the bible, that did not obey her husband, but was still thought of as being right or good by God. (I honestly did not think there was even one.)

But He gave one to me.

Abigail.

I found her story in 1 Samuel 25:1-42.

“She knew ma petite,” my Lord tells me, “that what she was about to do was against her husbands wishes. Nabal had felt that he had already dealt with the matter. Yet Abigail still knew that what her husband Nabal did was wrong, and was not the Will of God. So she disobeyed her husband, and went forth to greet David with gifts, as a representative of the town, and told David of her defiance against Nabal. She was no doormat to her husband. She was intelligent and thought for herself, as well as for the good of her people. She was Mine, (meaning her heart was for Me,) and she received My Blessings.”

So, there was my confirmation.

I am so very glad, that now in the New Testament (and beyond,) we can cast out such demons from troubling people, in the name of Jesus.

Most egalitarian conclusions claim that the bible promotes submission to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)

…Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5 KJV)

“Regarding life together and getting along with each other, you don’t need me to tell you what to do. You’re God-taught in these matters. Just love one another!” (1 Thessalonians 4:9)

During the hardest part of my marriage, when submission to my husband was simply unthinkable to me, the Lord gave me these words:

“When the wife submits to her husband, and the husband puts her needs first, this makes a beautiful Christ-like marriage. Think of this in terms of steps. If you have trouble submitting to your husband, then focus on submitting to ME instead. And after a while, (of being one with Me,) you may find that submitting to your husband will happen, simply by the OUTGROWTH of your relationship with ME. Submit to Me, until you are able to submit to one another.”

I pray that this testimony will reach those it was written for. Whether male or female, God loves you VERY much…

Shalom,

C. Dunamis

*

http://newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/submission-respect-1-peter-3_1-6/ (Interesting insights on OT Sara.)

http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/christian-myths-on-gender-and-gender-roles/ (This is a page of topic links. She also has other good writings to look into on her web site.)

http://www.rockymountainministries.org/mythbusters/17-mythbusters/42-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry-myth-14-women-are-lower-in-marriage-and-ministry.html (There are many more links to check out in their side bar.)

http://titus2keeper.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/wives-are-subject-to.pdf ((Very good and worth reading many times!)

* * * *

His Imperfect Wife

My heart drags to post this journal entry here,
Yet the nudging from my Lord and Savior to do so,
Have only strengthened with time and prayer,
and will not go away.

I have been told that there are those out there
Who are currently struggling with issues like these.
So these next few posts, (this one and the past two included,)
Are written for you.

A word of warning concerning this post:
War is ugly, no matter what side you’re on.

Journal entry: April 3rd, 2005

(Note: The past three days I’ve been very sick with bronchitis.
The day after this journal entry, my husband also became sick with this same bug…)

I knew the peace between us wouldn’t last through this illness.

My husband kept asking me to do things,
For him and with him, as if I wasn’t even sick.

I have always told him, (every time I’ve been sick,)
That when I’m sick, all plans are on hold.
No going out for a night on the town,
Getting together with another couple,
Cleaning or re-modeling projects,
EVERYTHING.
But does he listen and take this to heart?

No.

When I awoke today, I felt so miserable,
That when my husband asked me
what I was going to do today,
I told him in all seriousness:
TO BREATHE.

He then asks me questions
Designed to get me to do his will;

“Can you log on to the prescription web site?
I need to access your RX history for taxes.”
“O.K.”, I said, figuring I could do this while I worked on eating my just-made and still-warm lunch.

But problems are encountered in logging on,
And before I knew it, he had me checking up
On two other items of paperwork, as well.
Then, as I’m still struggling to sort out these paper problems,
He clicks something on his Palm Pilot PDA,
(Presumably checking something off his ‘to do’ list,)
then shuts it off & sets it down, turns to me and says:
“O.K…., now, do you want me to help you
clear out and vacuum this room?”

I looked at him first, to see if he was joking,
And when I seen that he was not,
I raised my voice just a notch,
And said very emphatically, “NO!”

He frowned. “Well why not?”

I was so upset by this question,
That I felt my mind buzz blank for a moment,
Before I gave him my answer.
“Because I haven’t even been able
to pause from doing all the other things
you’ve been asking me to do,
to even have a bite of my own lunch!
So, no! I don’t want to! I’m going to eat first!”

He then had the grace to look a bit sheepish,
As he realized the truth of my words, and then backed off enough to let me finish eating my now cold lunch.

Oi! HOW this man could even understand me,
with my voice sounding like a nasally scuba diver
speaking under 30 feet of water, I’ll never know!

Once I finished eating, and finished doing the work
he had requested me to do, we begin clearing out the room.
Mind you, this is heavy once or twice a year cleaning
That I’m trying to do, and to top it off,
My allergies were working overtime,
From all the dust, cat hair, and pollen.
(He had the window open for ‘fresh’ air.)
So by the time we actually came close to finishing,
I was very weak, wheezing, and gasping for air,
And I then stopped and asked my husband to do the rest,
(vacuuming under my desk,)
for I told him that I was on my last molecule of energy,
and I felt like I was about to collapse.
Grumbling, he took the vacuum cleaner
and finished the chore,
but let me know how upset he was,
that I had not told him sooner
that I would not be able to then go downstairs
and fry up the purchased trout for our dinner.

This made me angry again, and I let him know,
That he should not have planned (For certain,)
For me to make or do anything when I’m sick!

He responds, by telling me that I should have told him
Yes or no, yesterday when he mentioned it to me in passing.

(Like how many times would you like me to tell you that
I’M SICK, AND ALL PLANS ARE OFF?!?)

But of course, I go downstairs
(after resting a moment or two,)
and go make the fish for dinner.

Later on that night, right before
(while I’m still weak & struggling to simply breathe,)
he points out on the calendar,
the nights he’s working late for this week.
(Oh No!, I think to myself,
But I need you here when I’m this sick,
To give me a break from the kids,
So I can get some rest!)
He then tells me that he’s not sure
if he should cancel class for Friday, or not.
(At the time of this writing, my husband was a professor at a local college.)
I ask him why he would,
And he tells me that he can combine the last two lessons,
And then give the students a break on Friday.
(Oh, I think to myself, that would be nice for them.)
But then he goes and does the crass and uncaring
(dare I say unthinking?) thing of reminding me
that we would need this Friday off,
in order for us to go camping this weekend.

(AAAGGGHHH!!!!)

I looked at him in shock, anger, and disbelief,
And repeated once again to him,
That no, we can’t go camping this weekend,
BECAUSE I’M SICK!

This time, he slams the calendar down on the desk,
And snarled “that’s right! We can’t, can we!”
He then looks at me fully and says:
“I am so ANGRY that you are sick!”

(Well!!! HE’S angry that I’m sick!!
What am I ? HAPPY? I certainly didn’t choose
To get this sickness, and spend my next two months
Just struggling to breathe in an ocean of green slimy mucus!!!)

“Well then,” I told him, “the next time the neighbor boy
comes over to play with the kids,
and he’s still sounding and acting like he’s still pretty sick,
you’ll know what to tell him!”

(My husband had always de-valued my concerns,
and shut me up when I told him that I don’t want our kids
to play with other sick kids, while they’re still sick.
I don’t know why, But he seems to believe that our children (and me?!?) are like superheroes or something,
Impervious to bacteria, viruses, or colds.
He let them play all together, and now we are all sick
with what this boy had. And so now he blames ME?!?)

As he walks away, my mind is already deciding
That now we are separate again,
And that I will hold myself apart from him,
And not sleep too close to him tonight.

But then God
(yes, He was still there, – amazing, isn’t it?)
reminded me of the futility of such a move.
It would only end up being
a waste of spent time & energy.

But I couldn’t just let it all go, either.
So I said, – much more calmly, “You know, …that really hurt!”

“I know,” he replied with resignation
yet still some anger, in his voice.

And I know, that sooner or later,
With my P.U.S.H. prayers, (Praying Until Something Happens,)
My husband’s heart will soften,
And he will come to terms yet again,
with his imperfect wife.

So, now, I simply have to keep reminding myself
(as Satan tries to incite me against
such a ‘selfish’ & ‘unloving’ husband,)
that this too, shall pass,
and that this is not a big enough issue
to rip our family apart over.

Once again however,
I am reminded of what happens to me
When I take my eyes off Jesus,
And refocus them on my husband.
That man would keep me doing his will
running me ragged, telling me to just keep going,
And that I’ll be just fine. Vitamins? Medicines?
Nah, you don’t really need them.
Rest? What for? Your not REALLY that sick, are you?
Oh come on! Why do you have to let
A little virus bring you down like that?
Just ignore it, and it will go away!

Oh yeah.

They say, that to look at God, is life. And in my case,
I think the literal interpretation would fit.
Cause to keep my eyes on my husband,
And submit to my husband IN EVERYTHING,
Instead of checking in with my God FIRST,
Would mean death for me, in more ways than one….
*

TO BE CONTINUED…

*

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

(Colossians Chapter 3, verses 18-19, 23-24, KJV)

* * * *

Trying To Reach Heaven

A Dream…  (Journal entry recorded in my Bible, from 1995)

I am trying to reach heaven, but the pathway, the gate, is too narrow. I could not get through. I thought I’d be o.k., but I was not.

As I stood there at the gate, I seen many, many babies.

There were those that were full of joy and life, kicking, cooing, gurgling, with their energy giving off a form of light that seemed to glow from within them.

But many of the babies had wasted away and died. Their forms were still and lifeless, their skin held a dull almost grey color to it, and their eyes were empty, starring off into nothing. You could guess as to how long they had been dead, by the amount of decay that had already taken place in their bodies. There was no light whatsoever coming from them any more.

Some were still in different stages of dying. I could see the ones that were undecided; they looked as if they were dead, but there was hope that shone out from around them. Some were crying out for help, their cries piercing my heart from their shrill intensity of need. I longed to reach out to hold them and help them, but I knew I could not, for I sensed they were in a different dimension from mine.   

I cried and cried for them, as I watched them float by. I asked not to be one of those that did not make it. I thought of my children, and cried more. I begged God not to have me or my family be amongst those that did not make it. I asked Him how not to be one of them. I asked Him how I could get through the narrow pathway.

I then sensed that each person was different; they had to give up of themselves, their greatest thing they loved, in order to steer through it. You needed the help of those who had gone before you. Without them you lost your knowledge of how to get through the pathway to heaven, and you could no longer see the forces of darkness in your way. These people looked and sounded normal, but when you were on the right path, you seen through them, and this bothers them, so they nag and attack you to pull you off the path. Once you are off this path, you must submit to the darkness.

I seen my littlest child look to me in her innocence, and she did not see the distinction between the two realities/dimensions. To her, (for her,) they were one, and the dark forces could not touch her. But SOON she looked to me, watched me, my facial expressions, to see if she should feel fear or panic, and in this way lost her natural born ability to “follow the path.” I tried to be like her, but could not be.

I then woke up from the dream.

What is the greatest thing I loved in this world? My free time; my alone time. Time, when I can do what I want, and feed my will as I wish. My job has stopped a large portion of this time, yet the remaining time left is needed, the lord is asking for it, and in my sin, I’m hedging against it. I pray the Lord will give me His heart, to want to seek His Will, instead of mine…

*

Note: I believe that ‘those that had gone before’, were those people from the Bible, and the believers that have carried the faith upon the earth from generation to generation. The ‘natural born ability to “follow the path”‘, refers to the innocence that is within each newborn child. (They are too young to understand evil, or recognize it for what it is at that age.) 

*

Matthew 7:13-14, 21, 7-8 KJV

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.