Three Big Changes

Hours before I posted my previous entry entitled ‘Enjoy Your Heaven’, (a dream on the future of abortion,) one of my kids came into the room and told me of this upsetting dream they had just the night before. (Note: They had not seen the previous post on abortion.)  

 
This child and a sibling was sitting there in front of the television, listening to the beginning of a speech that the President of the United States was supposed to give from the White House. The speech had been promoted to the people of the land, as being very important.

The president came out, and began to announce to the audience, the three big changes that He, as President of the United States, had just made. None of these big changes had been voted into existence by the House or the Senate, or by any other voting body. The president had somehow simply declared them as being new laws, through some kind of legal loophole.   

The first change, concerned the laws on abortion. Abortion was to be completely legal in every state, even up to the moment of birth. (Was there a time after birth, where it was also now legal? Not sure.) This announcement by itself, did not shock the people in the audience too much. But there was something else, within this new law, that caused the ‘everyday citizen’ to somehow also be involved in these abortions. This caused great shock amongst many of the listeners, especially the Republicans. (Exactly what this was, was not seen in the dream. The sibling wanted to change the channel, which distracted this child from hearing the rest of this first change.)

The second change, is that the President had decided to go forward with some kind of a drone missile strike on the country of Turkey. At this, the whole crowd cheered wildly in support of the strike. (My child had no idea in this dream, what the country of Turkey had done to the US to have deserved such a death strike upon its people, and that would cause such enthusiastic support from the audience.)     

The third change, shocked everyone in the audience, both the Liberal Democrats and the Republicans, and everyone else. The President declared that the United States of America, was now formally a socialistic state. Not Democratic, not a Republic, but Socialism now ruled the land. Complete silence overcame those in the audience, as shock reverberated around them. 

My child, in the dream, hearing this, first thought, we’re screwed! Then thought about moving out of the United States, but soon realized that there wasn’t too many other places where one could retreat to. Was there even one left? The sibling didn’t realize yet, the enormity of what had just happened, or just how awful this would end up being, for everyone living in America.

This child remembered watching the country slide into a decline for a while now, like petals of an aging flower falling off one by one, slowly. But this…was momentous. Then this child realized, they had just witnessed the final death of America. 

(End of dream.)      

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Enjoy Your Heaven

Another dream…

 

In this one, I am a woman in her late twenties to mid thirties. I have been chosen, randomly, to help out with an emergency procedure, pulled off the street by a nurse- 
To help her complete an abortive procedure on a woman, because the attending physician was suddenly not there.
(I was not told why.) I told her that I could not do it; but she didn’t care. I was told I would go to prison, if I did not.

She directed me to a sink in the room, where the blood and body parts of the now-dead baby was being pulled out of the woman’s womb by some kind of sucking tube. She told me to keep the pump going manually, so the procedure could continue. I tried, thinking I could do it if it was just blood, but when I seen a tiny foot and a hand come out into the sink, I froze. The pump stopped, and the nurse then yelled at me to continue. But I couldn’t. It was as if the muscles in my arm simply couldn’t do it anymore. She continued to yell at me, until she paused and waited for me to respond. I simply held out my hands to her, and with a sad and sorry expression on my face, I told her that I HAD told her that I could not do it.

She gave a hefty sigh of great disgust, took the pump from me, and then shoved me towards the woman, telling me to stay with her and keep her calm.

When I moved past the blue surgical privacy screen to where the woman’s head was, I gasped with shock. This was no woman! She was just a girl, maybe six or seven years old, at the most.

I went up to her, and put her hand in mine. She was as white as death, gaunt, bruised, and very very weak.

Her long blonde hair framed her face, and was tucked under the blanket with the rest of her. One look at her face, and I knew that at one time, she would have been quite beautiful.

At the touch of my hand, her eyes fluttered open, and focused on me. But then she looked all around the room, and then said out loud “this is heaven?”

I told her no, and then asked her why she thought she might be in heaven, and with her simple child voice, she said, “because that is where I will go when I die.”

She then told me, that she expected heaven, because her heart had just stopped beating. (Which meant, to her, that she was now dead.)

At that moment, the heart monitor went still and straight, indicating that her heart had indeed, just stopped.

I yelled out to the nurse at the other end, that the girl was dying, and that she should come right away, to help her live.

But the nurse yelled back at me to wait; that she was almost done with the procedure, and would come help then. I tried to tell her that it would be too late, but she ignored me.

Just then, the girl said very softly, that she was getting cold, and then I watched as her head fell to one side, and she snored two small light breaths of sleep, and then stilled. Her chest rose no more, and I knew that she was dead.

I watched, as her now unencumbered spirit rose up into the air that filled the small room. I seen her now-beautiful face turn to me with a smile, and in my mind, I heard her tell me, “Oh! THIS is heaven!”, as she drifted through the rooms ceiling.  And onward to her peaceful eternity.

“Enjoy your heaven,” I told her with a whisper, as I waved goodbye to her with my hand.

The nurse rushed back to where I was, shoved me out of her way, assessed the girl, realized she had died, and then yelled at me.

“Why didn’t you tell me she was dying!?!”

I frowned, confused. “But I DID try to tell you!”

At this she became enraged, yelled at me at the top of her lungs and then pushed/threw me out of the clinic, and back onto the street, telling me and everyone else in hearing distance, that I was incompetent, stupid, and worthless.

She went back into the clinic, and I slowly turned to go back home.

 
I then woke up.
In the dream, I realized that she had been battered and raped by a family member – her father?- and that this was all she knew of life. She had no one to love her anymore, and she was looking forward to dying and going to heaven, for an angel had appeared to her, and told her to just hang on, and then soon, she would be with him in paradise.

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Being Freed From The Demon Of Depression

Today, I wish to post a testimony of thanks to my Heavenly Father, on this Father’s Day. I praise The great I AM! I praise You Jesus! I Thank You very much for saving me!

Many years ago, I had been suffering from clinical depression, probably brought on through the ill-advised use of the anti-depressant Prozac, prescribed for me (in dangerously large amounts,) in the hope that it would heal me of the constant migraines that I had been suffering from. Instead, it led me into a nightmare that almost ended my life.

Few people can really understand the anguish that affects one suffering from this kind of depression, unless they themselves have also suffered from it. For me, it was an actual physical pain, that affected my whole body. It physically hurt to be alive. So I have included a poem that I had written during this time, which shows the depths of which Jesus pulled me out of.

Within The Hungry Emptiness

The darkness ascends
It covers the mind
As thick as tar
To a place no one finds.
All the tiny pieces
That once could form your life
Now scattered in the air
You try to grab for one
To put it back in place
But your hand stays empty.
A ghost
In a solid world
Half here
Half there
Anywhere
Yet nowhere.
You float
From thought to thought
And jump
From deed to deed
So many energies in the air
Never finishing
Or going anywhere.
Red from anger
Gray with futility
Hands clenching through
A snarled empty head
Unable to grasp a thread
Watching the pot
Boil over with fear
Stumbling
Disjointed
Beyond just broken
Death’s stone face within me
Pulls my feet across the floor
Performs the motions of the living
While pulling my mind through its door
And shutting itself behind me
Click.
No fear
Too beyond it now
No hope
Too far ahead
So lost
So I stay where I am
Within the hungry emptiness.

*

Below is an adapted version of a ‘reader’s theatre’ script that I had written (and performed) for a church I used to go to many years back. It is the testimony of how Jesus used one of His obedient children, to stop me from committing suicide, during the lowest point of my life. 
 
(From my viewpoint:)
I hid myself… in my bedroom closet.
Shut the doors…, then closed my eyes. Depression!…
That… ever-hungry emptiness… that haunted me,
Had finally… consumed… my all.   
All I could think of… was… how to kill myself.
But… through these thoughts,
a voice… from within… called to me, 
and whispered,… “I need you.”
I questioned the voice,… then realized it was God.
I told him how unworthy I was,… how useless.
Yet… he persisted.
“But… you’re God!”, I said,
“You?…You can do anything!
I scoffed. “What do you need me for?”
He answered,…“To help others… like you,
  To reach out …to those… among you
who have gone through… what you have.”
When I asked Him how,
He told me …time would tell,
And to somehow …just get through the afternoon.
“But I can’t!” I cried,
for I feared… my enemies,
Pain,… emptiness,… and… despair.
They’d press me to death, while I waited there. 
Then the voice reminded me; “Genna”.
“But God,” I said, “she’s probably busy today.”
Yet… I found myself calling her anyways.
I asked her if I could come over to visit,
And she told me… she wasn’t sure. 
“I’ll call you right back though,” she said,
“and let you know.” 
So I sat there by the phone…and waited. 

 (From my friend Genna’s viewpoint:)
I slammed down the phone,
Angry at God,
To think he would even ask this of me!
“You know,” I said, speaking out loud,
“just how long I’ve planned to go to this party,
And now you’re demanding I cast it aside?” 
“Be with her,” the thought clearly filled my mind,
“But Lord,” I insisted, “I can be with her tomorrow.”
“No,” the spirit whispered firmer this time,
“I need you to be with her now.”
I sighed, defeated, and said, “oh, all right,”
And when she arrived after my call,
I did sense something wasn’t right. 
We talked about the weather, the traffic, and gardening,
Spoke about nothing at all.  
Then after a time she stood up and said she felt better, 
And told me she needed to go;
For her husband would be home soon. 
“Oh how could you Lord!,” I fumed to myself,
as I followed her out towards the door, 
“I don’t understand why you asked this of me;
This was all such a waste of time!”
But after we said our goodbye’s to each other, 
She turned back to me and added,
“Thank you Genna, for being with me today.  
I would have committed suicide,
If it hadn’t been for you.”
I stood there stunned, as I watched her walk away,
Angry, my mind raced, and I wondered,
What should have I done instead?
“Peace little one,” the Holy Spirit replied,
“you have done what I asked,
now you must let her go.”

*

It took a while to be completely freed from that demon of depression. (I did not know at that time, about casting out demons in the name of Jesus.) Fighting off the depression always seemed to be a struggle. Till one day, listening to a prophesy TV show, the speaker, while praying for those in the audience, suddenly stopped and looked up into the camera, and said that there was someone listening to the broadcast, that was being freed from the demon of depression, right at that moment, and that this person should claim their healing in the name of Jesus, and to forbid satan to trouble them anymore. Satan tried to tell me that the message was for someone else, but I still wondered if it really was meant for me. “Yes! You!” the man’s voice called out (it felt like he was speaking directly to me,) “Do not doubt your healing! You have been set free!” At that moment, as I stood there in the living room doing some housework, I felt the heavy weight that had been on me for so long being lifted off of me. I decided right them and there, that I would claim the message as my own.

It worked!
Glory to Jesus Christ of Nazareth; for indeed, He has set me free!

(And yes, in case you were wondering, Jesus also healed me from the constant migraine attacks, but that story will have to wait for another day… 🙂

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