Reliving Old Grief

 

I dreamed of my mother again,
And of my grandmother.

I was back in my old childhood house, living out of a suitcase,
And having to face my mother’s death again.

My uncle was also there with me;
I sensed that he had been sent there to help me recover from my mother’s death, and was praying for me.

I kept wandering around the house looking for something familiar,
Something of comfort, but could find nothing.

I kept a blanket around me (I was only in my undergarments
Underneath,) and thought to get dressed, but even the clothes in my suitcase
Were unfamiliar.

I seen the odd collections of ceramics and plates that were still unfinished, (she liked to make them,) but they were things I had not seen before.

I sensed it was time to give them away.

I kept crying, the grief overwhelming me
Consuming from the inside out.

I tried to go through the closet to the other side of the house
Like I used to when I was young, but it had long been blocked off.

“I miss you so much mother!” I exclaimed to the closet wall.
“And I miss you too, grandma & grandpa!”

“But I miss my mama most of all!”

No matter how hard I tried,
I just kept crying.

I then woke up.

*

When I awoke,
I kept hearing the tune of a song, (a top 40 song,) that keeps repeating itself:
“I keep bleeding…Keep keep bleeding…love…I get cut up inside…”

I looked up the date of when my mother died.

Several years ago this Thursday.

Figures.
Maybe that’s why I dreamed of her again.

“That,” I felt God reply,
“and the tulips that are sitting on top of your kitchen counter,
Constantly reminding you of your grandmother.
They help too.”

I thought of my mother and how she lived in the same house as her parents,
And wondered how she coped with all the memories of her parents
Constantly surrounding her.

My heart remained heavy though,
As I relived the grief from my mother’s death.

“This is an attack from satan, Ma Petite,” my God replied.

“A dream of my mother?” I was a little confused of this.
“What’s wrong with having a dream of my mom?”

“This dream, brought you grief, pain, and loneliness, all over again.
Which kingdom is better served, bringing you that?”

True; it was hard to continue on with life when you’re struck down again with that ‘death grief’. Yes, reliving old grief definitely was an attack from satan….

*

Matthew 6:34 KJV “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Psalm 23:1-6 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

John 14:27 (KJV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

 

A Miracle: Saved From The Viper

 

There was a short time in my life, where we lived in Arizona. We had a small home built in a new subdivision. The boys and I enjoyed watching the workers build the houses.

Better yet, the workers told us that we could have the tiny scrap pieces of lumber if we wanted them, to make some building blocks. All we’d have to do is sand down the sharp edges.

We would walk about the construction areas in the evenings, where they had left piles of such lumber for us to go through, to see if there were any we wanted to add to our collection.

One such evening, while the sun was still up, (the workers had quit early from the extreme heat,) the boys and I went out to go scavenging.

One of my boys came upon a big pile of wood with a choice piece of lumber sitting at the very top. One of my boys climbed up and was about to reach for it, when I sensed the Holy Spirit tell me quite firmly “No!”

So I told him “No! Wait a minute…back up.”

He did. His brother did too.

Then I gingerly went and moved the piece of lumber to one side with the toe of my shoe.

Out popped a very angry young western rattlesnake.

He had been coiled up at first, but was rapidly unwinding himself and was keeping his focus on me.

I asked the Lord what to do, and He told me to have everyone back up slowly at the same time.

So I told the boys to slowly begin walking backwards, away from the snake. As they did, so did I. The rattler was so confused at seeing several different movements coming from all around him, that he didn’t know which one to strike at first. He’d move in one direction, but then swish back to another. This left it too distracted to strike out at anyone. Moments later, we had backed out of its range and out of its sight.

We were very thankful we were safe!

Later I was told by the workmen (whom I had warned about the snake, but they could not find it,) that young rattlers were the most dangerous, for they would strike out at anything, and they would often give a lethal dose of venom, for they had not yet learned to control their poison.

After that incident, I used a very long pole to make sure no snake was near the piece of wood that we wanted, and we left the pieces of wood that were up at the top of the piles alone.

There were many dangerous animals in Arizona that we ran into while we lived there. A puma, (it jumped onto the hood of the car in front of us while we were driving,) tarantulas, a Gila Monster, (they are very dangerous and look just like the plastic models one can find of them,) And a huge (over a foot round in diameter,) poisonous frog that comes up to the surface every few years or so for air. But the Lord protected us from them all.

During Hanukkah our family recalls the miracles the Lord has done for us. This was one of them.

May the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth bless you and yours greatly!

C. Dunamis

A Miracle: Saved From A Gas Fire

This miracle recalls a cold night many years ago, while my husband was out of the state, traveling for work.

The heater was having a hard time keeping up with the severe cold snap that California was having. So at one point, one of the boys asked me if we could start a fire in the fireplace. So I called my husband and got instructions from him on how to do it. (My husband was the one who usually lit any fires in the fireplace.)

I built up the logs for the fire, and then went to put the gas starter on, but felt the Holy Spirit tell me to wait.

“Have everyone back up first before you light the fire.”

So I told the kids to back way up and to stay there. They had watched their father light the fire before, and knew how it suddenly would flare into life. They obeyed me.

I turned on the gas and then lit the fire.

WOOSH! The fire had reached out through the entire length of the living room, filling it with flames. I felt the heat of it against my face, as I watched it race outwards. I starred at my children through the fire, greatly relieved that they were out of reach of the flames.

Thankfully the fire quickly dissipated back into the fireplace, and left nothing burning except the logs in the fire place.

I then told the kids that they could come forward to get warm by the fire.

The next night, the extreme cold snap had broken, so we no longer felt the need for a fire. We didn’t stay too much in the living room however, for I could still smell the gas every now and then. I kept trying to tighten the gas starter, but it didn’t seem to help. Finally my husband returned home and discovered that the gas starter had a leak in its pipe. We were both very thankful that the Lord Jesus Christ had saved our Children and our house from the gas fire!

Hanukkah is a time to recount miracles. This was one of ours.

Blessings to you and yours,

C. Dunamis