Reliving Old Grief

 

I dreamed of my mother again,
And of my grandmother.

I was back in my old childhood house, living out of a suitcase,
And having to face my mother’s death again.

My uncle was also there with me;
I sensed that he had been sent there to help me recover from my mother’s death, and was praying for me.

I kept wandering around the house looking for something familiar,
Something of comfort, but could find nothing.

I kept a blanket around me (I was only in my undergarments
Underneath,) and thought to get dressed, but even the clothes in my suitcase
Were unfamiliar.

I seen the odd collections of ceramics and plates that were still unfinished, (she liked to make them,) but they were things I had not seen before.

I sensed it was time to give them away.

I kept crying, the grief overwhelming me
Consuming from the inside out.

I tried to go through the closet to the other side of the house
Like I used to when I was young, but it had long been blocked off.

“I miss you so much mother!” I exclaimed to the closet wall.
“And I miss you too, grandma & grandpa!”

“But I miss my mama most of all!”

No matter how hard I tried,
I just kept crying.

I then woke up.

*

When I awoke,
I kept hearing the tune of a song, (a top 40 song,) that keeps repeating itself:
“I keep bleeding…Keep keep bleeding…love…I get cut up inside…”

I looked up the date of when my mother died.

Several years ago this Thursday.

Figures.
Maybe that’s why I dreamed of her again.

“That,” I felt God reply,
“and the tulips that are sitting on top of your kitchen counter,
Constantly reminding you of your grandmother.
They help too.”

I thought of my mother and how she lived in the same house as her parents,
And wondered how she coped with all the memories of her parents
Constantly surrounding her.

My heart remained heavy though,
As I relived the grief from my mother’s death.

“This is an attack from satan, Ma Petite,” my God replied.

“A dream of my mother?” I was a little confused of this.
“What’s wrong with having a dream of my mom?”

“This dream, brought you grief, pain, and loneliness, all over again.
Which kingdom is better served, bringing you that?”

True; it was hard to continue on with life when you’re struck down again with that ‘death grief’. Yes, reliving old grief definitely was an attack from satan….

*

Matthew 6:34 KJV “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

Psalm 23:1-6 (KJV) “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

John 14:27 (KJV) “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

 

Seeing My Mother On Mother’s Day

(I am hesitant to share this post, but the Lord is telling me that there is someone out there who needs to hear it…)

May 13th, 2007 Mother’s Day.

I seen my mother last night in a dream. (She has been dead now for many years.)

I was crying,
Over the stress in my life,
When I said out loud,
(still in my dream,)
“I wish my mother was here!
She’d know just what to say,
To make me feel better!”

And then suddenly,
There she was,
Before me,
With her arms open wide,
Welcoming me back in.

“Oh Mom!” I said to her, still crying,
(But now they were tears of relief,)
I’ve missed you SO MUCH!”

She wrapped her arms around me
Tightly, hugging me back.

She looked younger and full of vitality,
But I knew she was still the same mom that I knew.
I spoke to her about the problems,
And told her of my fears.

“Oh my child,” she said to me in response,
“It’s O.K.; God has us in His hands…”

I sensed that she spoke
Of the time line of eternity,
With ‘us’
Being the line of our family,
Which included my husband
And my children.

I then spent some time there
within her embrace,
soaking up the memories
of what it feels like
to hold her and touch her again.
I breathed in her comfort,
For I knew it might be a long time,
Before I’d get to see her again.

When my spirit was comforted
And at peace,
She left my presence.

I then,
Still in my dream,
Got down on my knees
Right where I was,
And spoke out loud to my God,
Thanking Him
For letting me see and be
With my mother again.

I then woke up.

*

God can send His comfort to us in ways we least expect…

*

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (KJV) “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 (KJV) “And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.”

X Rays – A Doorway To Darkness

Years ago, one of my kids went to the dentist for x rays. These were not the usual bite-wing x rays that the populace had been getting for years; this was a new fangled machine that could take an x ray of your entire mouth at one time, without any pieces of film in your mouth. One stepped into its circle, the machine was turned on, and the machine slowly traveled around you as you stood there.

My kid stepped into that circle, the machine was turned on, and I watched as my kid’s eyes blinked open and starred straight ahead, unseeing. The moment the machine stopped, my child collapsed to the floor.

Thankfully his father was there to catch him.

It took my child several moments to come out of his trance, and he complained of feeling dizzy and sick.

Of course the dentist scoffed at him for his reaction, stating over and over again how ‘safe’ these x rays were, (we were told they even had less radiation than the old bite-wing kinds had,) and that his reaction must be from something else.

We brought our child home, and put him to bed to rest. Two hours later, we heard screaming from his room, and ran to see what was the problem.

When we entered his room, we found him in the middle of the room on his floor, rocking back and forth, and screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. There was such total panic and fear in his screams, that it made it hard for me to think. (As a mother, you immediately want to remove the pain and make it all better. But I knew not how.)

He was unresponsive, and shrank from our touch. He didn’t recognize us or his name, nor did he seem to know where he was.

I ran back into my bedroom, and up to the cross on the wall. I sank to my knees, and begged the Lord Jesus to help him.

Moments later, my son began to speak. He told us that he did not recognize us, nor did he recognize his name. Fear ruled over him, and kept him from us.

Slowly, my son’s memory returned, piece by piece.

The Lord told me to give him some vitamins and herbs, namely calcium and nattokinase, and he gladly took them. A few hours later, he was feeling a little better, (he began to recognize his room and the things in it,) but was still quite dizzy and weak for all of the following day.

And yes, in case you were wondering, this is the same kid that can see so clearly into the unseen world.

For years after that incident, my son refused all x rays, much to the disgust of the dentist. As his parents, we backed up his choice not to have any x rays.

Then came the day when my son needed another x ray, and the usual bite-wing type would not work. So he agreed to have the x ray taken, much to my distress.

I went before the Lord in prayer, asking Him to please protect him, and to not let those demons attack him like they did the last time. (I had realized later on, that it had to have been demons that caused such illness within him.)

God reminded me, that at that first time, we had not known that we could cast out demons and claim protection in His name. And now that we knew the reality of it, we could prevent those things from happening to him again.

So, the night before the scheduled x ray, he took the same supplements, along with some magnesium, and I then blessed him with the blessed olive oil.

When we went to the dentist, we found that they had gotten rid of the other x ray machine, and now had a newer model that they were using.

He got into its circle, and I could see the fear and trepidation in him, for he was shaking. The machine turned on and began to rotate. (The dental assistant told us to stay behind the cones, but we were ready to jump forward to catch him if needed.) Suddenly his eyes opened wide, and he starred forward, unseeing, just like he had the other time. But this time he did not collapse.

I kept reciting scriptures under my breath, until I could not remember any. I found my mind had gone completely blank, and I could not remember any scripture at all. I cried out to Jesus, and then sensed from Him that I should begin speaking in tongues, which I did.

When it was over, he had to be led over to the dentist’s chair, for he was too weak and shaky and dizzy to walk on his own. It was almost as if he had forgotten how to walk.

While he sat there in the chair, I felt the Lord instruct me to bless him again with the blessed olive oil, and to close all portals that had been opened by the x ray.

I did as He instructed, and I sensed that this helped my son no small amount. I then cast out all demons that had already come through that portal, in the name of Jesus.

We went home that night, and once again he went to lay down, for he was still quite weak and dizzy. We made sure that someone stayed with him at all times. He took more of the vitamins and herbs, as directed on the bottle. (I had found out from the Lord after the first time, that calcium can help bind up stray molecules of radiation, so that it gets flushed out of the system. It also helps the heart to keep beating. Same with magnesium; it works with the calcium. Nattokinase keeps the blood flowing, and helps to prevent any strokes from happening.)

The next day he spent in bed, still weak and dizzy from the x ray. The day after that, he refused to go out, for some things were still not familiar to him, and seeing things that he did not recognize but knew he should, caused panic to flare up within him. He explained that that x ray was like a hard re-boot on a computer, or a kind of cerebral wipe of memory. He sensed that his memories were still there, but the linking to them is what was affected.

Three days after that, he arose and was able to go about his business. He still had some momentary dizziness every now and then, and I remarked that I too, had the same momentary dizziness that he was experiencing. After a few more days, all symptoms left us, and we were all back to normal.

I praise you Lord Jesus Christ, for keeping us all safe!

My son then told me, how he had kept his eyes closed, so he could not see anything. But I told him that he had opened his eyes as soon as the test began. This surprised him, for he claimed he could not see anything except a great darkness. Even his hearing was blocked, for all he could hear was some kind of loud buzzing sound. (It was just like the sound that demons make when gathered together.) It wasn’t until the machine was turned off, that he could once again see into this world and hear us. He also told me, that this newer machine was still way better than the last one.

I share this with you, so you know that x rays (at least some kinds,) can form a doorway for satan to come in and attack. It is good to bind them up in Jesus name before hand, and afterwards cast them out in His name!